


It's Like We Never Happened, Was It Just A Lie?

by fallingforyoureyes, thevaccines



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Amnesia, Amnesiac Harry, Bottom Louis, I, M/M, Smut, So excited, Top Harry, Top!Harry, amnesia harry, bottom!Louis, vanilla lube
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-03-08
Updated: 2015-01-22
Packaged: 2018-01-15 00:09:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 28,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1283923
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingforyoureyes/pseuds/fallingforyoureyes, https://archiveofourown.org/users/thevaccines/pseuds/thevaccines
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry forgets. There isn't really an explanation for it. He wakes up different than he was the night before, he's got different hair and he's living in a different house. The thing that is the most different is that Louis isn't there, and there is no sign of him anywhere. And when Harry shows up unexpectedly on Louis' doorstep after three years, things go a bit haywire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, here's just a little explanation to how this fic came about. I have been talking to the other author for a while now. We both love writing and we both love Larry, so we decided to write a fic together.
> 
> The idea for this story is Kristen's idea, so all credit goes to her seriously. We will take turns writing a chapter each. 
> 
> Kris wrote the first chapter, I'll write the second, then she'll write the third and so on and so on.
> 
> (I apologize in advance because the even number chapters I write will suck compared to the ones Kris writes)
> 
> (omg stfu u are an amazing writer kay?-kris)
> 
> We hope you enjoy.

Harry wakes up with a throbbing headache-one of those headaches that basically feel like a punch to the temple every move you make. He finds himself fully clothed, lying sideways on a bed, both his legs dangling off the end and one of his arms underneath him, numb and a bit wet from drool. The curtain is a little bit open, shining sunlight into the room and Harry lies there for a few minutes, his back hurting as he watches the dust particles float around in the air. One of the first things he takes in is that whoever lives here is very, very dirty.

With a groan he pushes himself up, sitting on the edge of the bed and yawning. The bed droops a little, and he moves, hearing water swish around in it and he doesn’t ever remember sleeping in a waterbed. His muscles feel different than they did last night, his eyes are heavy, his clothes feel damp, and--he really just doesn’t know where he is.

Last thing he remembers is coming home from their first Up All Night concert, the other boys had gone out for drinks, pumped and ready to stay ‘up all night’, but Louis and Harry just went back to their house and slept. His heart suddenly drops to his stomach as he realizes Louis isn’t in the bed with him, and he quickly gets up, going towards the first door he sees.

It has posters on it, and it’s dark and he can’t really make out the faces, but it looks a little bit like him, although the guy on the poster is definitely older. He opens the door, light instantly flooding in from the hallway and illuminating the room. It’s gigantic, is another thing he takes in. It looks like something out of a movie. With high ceilings and scratched up wood floors, a shelf full of trophies, a mini bar, and then there is the huge bed in the middle, with red sheets and a brown duvet and it’s squishy mattress.

He doesn’t waste any more time when he sees the bed, remembering why he got off of it. Louis. He had to be around here somewhere, right? If Harry was here then Louis was definitely here.

He walked down the hallway, not for long though, because soon he found himself in a living room, connected to a kitchen and a den and what looked like a studio, all in one giant open room. Windows and high ceilings and it just looked so _luxurious_ , but where the hell was Louis?

He went into the kitchen, expecting to find some kind of note on the counter- something or anything. What he found was a list of numbers on the fridge, all with random names scrawled in his handwriting beside it. His stomach growled, and he opened the fridge, slamming it instantly from the horrible smell that came out. All he saw when he glanced in was beer bottles and empty takeout boxes.

Maybe not so luxurious after all.

When he slammed the door closed, a magnet fell off the side of the fridge, a picture falling to the ground, and he went to go grab it. As he was putting it back up, he noticed one familiar face-- himself. The picture was blurry and his cheeks were red, everyone else in the photo was pretty blurry too. It was definitely him though, and it also looked a lot like the man on the posters in the bedroom.  
He didn’t notice his hands were shaking until he put the picture back up on the fridge, his eyes scanning over the other few pictures that were on the fridge as well. He was in every single one, but Louis, Liam, Zayn and Niall weren’t.

He went to sit on the couch that was in the living room, it was white and rectangular and there was a red wine stain on it. He picked up one of the magazines on the ottoman, seeing an older version of himself on the cover, one of the headings in quotations, “Being Solo is what I’ve always wanted…”

He drops it instantly, his eyes looking over at his reflection in the TV before he did a double-take, finally seeing himself. He walked up to the TV, his heart pounding in his chest as he looked at himself. His hair wasn’t even curly anymore, what was Louis supposed to nickname him now? He didn’t have anymore baby fat on his cheeks, and although he was happy about it, Louis probably would be upset. Louis loved kissing his cheeks, squishing his face against his are squeezing them.

He was walking back to the bedroom when he noticed the door at the end was opened, and he quickly went to go look inside. It was a washroom, and it was dirty too. It looked and smelled like no one had lived there for years. He looked over into the mirror, walking towards it and looking at himself a little better.

He had broader shoulders; he was definitely taller (another thing Louis won’t like). His eyes were rimmed with a darkish red and underneath were bags of purple and a bit blue, looking as if he’d been punched.

Harry couldn’t take it anymore, he found some money under the mattress, where he always kept some spare change, and called a cab.

He got the cab to drive him to his and Louis’ house, the man refusing to take his money because “It was an honor to drive you Mr. Styles” or something like that.

He knows the passcode to the gate, and it opens quickly, closing when he starts walking up the driveway. He knocks on the door, three times, then four just incase Louis had the music on.

Louis opens it, an annoyed look on his face, wearing boxers and a robe. His glasses are on the edge of his nose, and he’s holding a cup in his hands. When he sees Harry, he takes a step back, stumbling a little, stunned.

Harry steps inside the house, smiling as he starts wrapping his arms around Louis and kissing him a few times on the cheek, then on the neck, and then he just holds him. Louis doesn’t hug him back, he’s motionless, and feels stiff around him. Harry steps back, just a half arms length, and Louis just looks at him with crazy eyes.

“Harry?” He questions, and even Louis looks different. He’s smaller than he use to be, his legs look skinnier and his little tummy is gone. His cheeks are hollow and his eyes aren’t really that blue anymore. Grey, colourless, lifeless.

“Louis? Whats wrong?”

Louis’ face practically turns to stone, completely emotionless as he hears Harry’s voice for what feels the first time in forever. He accidentally drops his cup on the ground, and it smashes into tiny pieces. Harry steps back, Louis does too, and then Harry bends over to start cleaning it up.

“I don’t know what's going on, Lou.” He says as he starts picking the pieces up. Louis is quiet still, and he just watches Harry pick up the broken glass, “I’ve got a weird voice, y’know? And my hair is gross now, don’t know what I did to it. And whose clothes are these?” Harry stands up, motioning to his flannel shirt, his hand full of glass pieces, “You scared me, you know. I woke up and you weren’t next to me, it was dark and dirty-” He goes quiet once he sees someone walking up from behind Louis.

“Louis? Who is this?” The man stands in the light, and he’s tall too. He’s got a thick Italian accent, a towel around his hips, floppy boyish hair and dark olive skin. He looks like a mix of Enrique Iglesias and Zac Efron.

“No one, Ricardo, it’s ok. Go shower.” Louis says, trying to push Ricardo back down the hall, but he doesn’t budge.

“Hello, I am Ricardo.” The man extends his hand to Harry, a smile stretched across his face. His eyebrows are too dark, and so are his eyes. But he’s got a perfect smile, so perfect that it makes Harry’s mind mush, and he looks over at Louis, tears in his eyes.

“Louis did you cheat on me?” Harry asks quietly, and Louis’ cheeks go red.

“Cheat on you? What the _fuck_ , Harry!” His voice is low but it’s slowly raising which each syllable, “I haven’t talked or seen or heard _anything_ about you--three fucking years—and you just-- what the _fuck_!” His voice cracks, and Ricardo drops his hands, standing back behind Louis.

“Three…What?”

“Please leave,” There are tears in his eyes and he grabs Harry’s wrists, Harry dropping the glass and Louis steps over it, pushing Harry towards the door, “Get the hell out and do not come back.”

Harry stands outside the door, dumbfounded as he stares at Louis, Louis staring back and Ricardo staring at them both with a dumb look on his face. Harry really wants to punch him.

“This is a bad dream, isn’t it?” Harry says, and Louis, just about to close the door, stops and looks at Harry with an annoyed expression and his hands in fists, “Yeah...Just a dream. Wake up! Wake up Harry!” He says, yelling into the air, slapping his cheek just incase, pinching his arm, and Louis just watches him as if he’s gone mad.

Harry ends up tripping over his feet and falling onto the concrete driveway, hitting his head on the railing in the process and blacking out.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS AMAZING CHAPTER IS WRITTEN BY THE BEAUTIFUL FALLINGFORYOUREYES  
> I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY  
> xxxxxxxxx

When he wakes up, he think’s he’s awoken from the bad dream, but then Ricardo’s face appears over him and with a laugh he says, “You fell very bad!” His breath smells minty but oddly like sausage and it makes Harry feel queasy.

Harry groans and sits up, an ice pack falling onto his groin and he groans again.

“Hey, Harry, how you feel?” Ricardo asks, putting a hand on his shoulder. It’s obvious his English isn’t up to par, and it only makes the whole situation seem weirder.

“Wheres Louis?” is all Harry asks, and Ricardo drops his arm. Harry notices he actually has clothing on now, but it doesn’t make him feel any better about Louis sleeping with someone else.

“I’m here.” Louis appears in the archway that is connected to the hallway and the living room. Harry could walk blindfolded around this house.

“Lou..I..”

“Harry, do you remember what happened?” Louis asks, sitting on the edge of the sofa but at the opposite end. “What’s the last thing you remember?”

“Last night was the very first concert of our Up All Night tour. And today its like…” Harry shakes his head, “I don’t even know. Everyone is different. Even me.” He gestures to himself, pulling at the strands of his hair.

“You hit your head on the railing and you forgot the past three years of your life?” Louis asks in disbelief. “Seriously Harry, this isn’t some kind of game.”

“I’m just as confused as you are. Last night I went to bed with you and this morning I woke up smelling like piss and alcohol and not even in the same house as you.”

“You actually expect me to believe that? Harry-”

“I have heard things about this before.” Ricardo interrupts, “Its called magnesia. Wait no- amnesia.”

“What’s that?” Harry asks, and Louis comes around the couch to sit next to Ricardo, Ricardo’s arm going around the bottom of Louis’ back. Harry just stares at the sudden intimate position they seem to be in, and he can feel his cheeks redden.

“Harry, how old do you think you are?” Louis questions. He notices the way Harry’s eyes are watching him and Ricardo, and it only makes him scoot a little closer to Ricardo.

“17 going on 18.” Harry replies quietly, staring down at his hands. All he wants to do is reach out and grab Louis and run away and make this bad dream a happy one, but deep down he knows that this isn’t a nightmare and that Louis isn’t his anymore; they can’t just run off and hide from everyone and have a quick snog to make everything better like they did last week when Harry was in a bad mood.

“17,” the words come out in a heavy breath as Louis shakes his head in disbelief. It seems like so long ago. He thinks back to those times when everything was so happy and perfect and they were so carefree. It all seems like a dream when he really thinks about it. He was stuck in this fantasy land with Harry; he tries not to think of those good times because everytime he does, it just hurts more and more with the realization that instead of Harry being his knight in shining armor, he was the volatile antagonist that tore his life apart. “Harry,” Louis starts slowly, his words sounding careful like he was planning out what he was going to say. “I still don’t know what you’re trying to pull on me. I don’t-I don’t like this. You can’t just waltz in here acting like things are how they used to be, like how things were fucking nearly 8 years ago!” He doesn’t even mean to yell, but it just happens. He’s feeling defensive and scared. He has no clue what’s going on, and the skeptical side of him feels like Harry is doing this on purpose just to hurt him again.

Harry’s expression immediately turns to one of hurt, and he’s so shocked that he can’t even speak, so many things running through his mind but no words able to form. The silence in the room is eerie. Green eyes stare at blue, blue eyes boring into green ones. The stare makes Harry even more confused and nervous, but his mouth feels as dry as a desert, to the point where it feels impossible to move his jaw.

Ricardo is the one to break the silence. He clears his throat as he reaches up. His hands move up Louis’ sides gently and slowly - it feels like taunting to Harry - before stopping on his shoulders and massaging them gently to try to ease the tension in his boyfriend. “We need to be calm,” he slowly says. His eyes flicker between Harry and Louis momentarily before he kisses Louis’ temple and stands up. “I will make food.” Harry is once again even more confused by what was happening, but to Louis, it was normal. Ricardo’s way of comfort and consolation is cooking food and sharing it with those in need.

Louis can’t stand to be alone in the room in the awful silence with Harry anymore. It’s too awkward and too risky. And to be honest, it was hard to see Harry look so scared and confused. He gets up and heads into the kitchen to help Ricardo cook the meal. From the smell of it, he can already tell that he’s boiling a pot of pasta. It’s a familiar scent that fills the house, one that makes Louis’ stomach rumble but one that also fills his stomach with discomfort.

When they are finished cooking, Louis starts to set the table while Ricardo goes to get Harry. Louis’ stomach is churning uncomfortably, and he isn’t sure what exactly is causing that to happen but he does have a long list of ideas in his head of why. He knows the main feeling is nervousness though. Louis pours Ricardo a glass of white wine that he loves to drink with his Italian dishes, and he gets himself a glass of water. As much as he would really love a glass of alcohol right now to calm his nerves, he knows deep down that it isn’t the best time for it. Who knows what would come out of his mouth if he just got a little tipsy.

Louis picks up a third empty glass. “Water?” he asks Harry, not looking up to see his response. Harry hums his response, giving a slight nod that Louis can see from his peripheral vision. Louis is almost surprised by the choice. He isn’t used to this Harry anymore; he’s still used to the Harry that he remembers before their relationship ended, the Harry whose drink of choice was always beer-if not something stronger.

By the time he finishes filling Harry’s glass, the table is filled with three plates of food, and he knows exactly which is his. Louis sits down Harry’s glass of water in front of him where he is sat before taking a seat in the chair across from Harry’s because that is the seat that has a plate with only about half the portion of the chicken alfredo Ricardo made than the other plates contain.

Once again, the room is filled with an awkward silence as the three begin to eat their supper. Harry’s mind is full of questions, but he feels like the time isn’t right to ask them. The air is thick with tension and something just feels off. Feeling unwelcome in his own home is such a strange feeling, he decides. “Thank you for the food,” he finally says after another moment. He couldn’t take the silence any longer. Thanking his boyfriend’s--well, ex-boyfriend now--new boyfriend for cooking him dinner was an even stranger feeling.

“You are welcome, Harry,” Ricardo replies back, giving a polite smile and a curt nod. Harry hates the way it sounds, almost like nails scraping on a chalkboard. He always hated his name, but it sounded even worse coming from the Itallian man’s mouth. He only likes the way Louis says his name. He really thinks it should be illegal for everyone but Louis to say his name.

“What are we going to do then?” Louis sharply interrupts with his question. He’s ready to just push Harry out and never see him again, but he knows he would feel too guilty kicking out Harry now. It would be like tossing a helpless and defenseless puppy out onto the streets.

“He sees doctor,” Ricardo suggests as he looks over to Louis. “Doctors can help.”

“How can a doctor help?” Louis asks back, holding back an eye roll. He usually is never this snappy with Ricardo, but he is just so emotionally drained that he can’t help it. “His memory is gone. He doesn’t know what happened to him, and I highly doubt there will be any physical evidence pointing to what happened. This just seems too strange to be true. I still feel like he’s fibbing.”

Harry doesn’t like the way Louis is talking about him as if he isn’t even there, and he doesn’t like the attitude and rudeness in his tone. Louis was never like this; the only time he heard this tone from him was when Louis was defending Harry from an interviewer who was asking way too personal questions that he didn’t feel comfortable answering. That side of Louis was always around because he was protective of Harry; it hurt to have that side come out again only to be used against him this time. Despite the hurt, Harry forces a smile on his face and replies politely like he was taught to do. “I think it’s a sound suggestion, Louis,” he says as if he is talking to a child that was misbehaving. “We should definitely start with seeing a doctor.”

“Sure, sure,” Louis replies back, letting out a soft sigh. The room falls silent again and everyone suddenly seems so much more interested in their food than the conversation they were just having.

When Louis finishes his plate of pasta, he gets up from his seat and heads over to the sink, putting the plate in there and rinsing it off a bit. He looks over and sees that Ricardo is still eating so he goes and sits in his seat at the table again. He knows Ricardo doesn’t like to be left alone. He can be really needy sometimes, and even though once upon a time Louis liked neediness, he doesn’t like it that much anymore. Or maybe he just doesn’t like that fact that Harry stopped needing him.

Harry stares at Louis, contemplating whether or not to speak to him again. It feels so weird. He feels like things are normal and right between them, but he knows they’re not. And the way Louis is acting, he’s almost scared to speak to him. He’s afraid of him getting angry and upset. Seeing Louis sad is the worst thing ever, and Harry would do anything to make sure he wouldn’t get upset. “Don’t you want some more food?” Harry asks then, deciding that maybe he shouldn’t talk about the touchy topic. He wants to know what happened between him and the beautiful boy he loved so much. He couldn’t imagine ever doing anything wrong to Louis. “You love pasta, Louis.”

Louis makes a slightly uncomfortable expression and he just slowly shakes his head. “No, I’m fine,” he says back, tapping his fingers on the table nervously. He doesn’t want the topic to be brought up. He learned to deal with Ricardo’s rules, and it was just better if they stayed untouched by an outsider.

Harry frowns. He doesn’t like that at all. Louis loved pasta more than anything, especially when Harry cooked it. He would go back for seconds, even thirds sometimes. It was really cute. Harry loved Louis’ healthy appetite and the fact that he wasn’t afraid to eat what he wanted. “Here, you can have some of mine,” he suggests, sliding his plate over so that Louis could reach it better. The thought of Louis going hungry when there was obviously plenty more to eat made him sad.

“No, really, I’m fine,” Louis replies with a desperate tone. All he wants to do is shove the plate away and just run to his room and hide, but he knows he can’t do that. Harry is already suspicious enough, but that would only make him more suspicious, and he just really didn’t need him asking any questions right now.

Ricardo looks over at Louis with a warningly glare. It’s enough to shut Louis up completely and just look down to the table. Harry notices and he gives an angry stare back to the model. He suddenly feels very protective over Louis and he just wants to get up and punch Ricardo in the face, but he holds back all his anger and just goes back to eating, giving up on trying to help.

Once Ricardo finishes his meal, he gets up and heads back into the bedroom, claiming that he had business he needed to attend to. Harry waits for him to be gone before bringing back up the topic. “What was that all about?” he asks, making sure to keep his tone soft so he wouldn’t be heard.

“What was what?” Louis replies with a question back even though he knows very well what Harry is asking about.

“The food,” Harry states simply. He slides his plate back over to Louis which has only a few more bites of pasta on it. “You can have it if you want. Don’t let Ricardo control you like that.”

Louis rolls his eyes and lets out a soft chuckle. “Don’t be stupid, Harry,” he says, despite wanting to grab the food and eat it. He stands up and starts to clean up the mess in the kitchen. It just seemed that was always his role in the house. Ricardo would make the mess and he would clean it up.

Harry lets out a groan in frustration but he doesn’t say anymore. He stays silent as he gets up and starts to help Louis clean up.

Louis stays at the sink and starts to wash all of the dishes and load them into the dishwasher. Harry brings the empty glasses and goes to the sink, reaching over and sticking them inside side of the sink that was full of water and soap that had the pans soaking in there, but even with his long arms he still has to be close to Louis to reach over there. Louis doesn’t like Harry being so close though. He just really wants him out of the house and he just really wants to forget this ever happened, just like he was trying to forget about Harry before this happened. Louis clears his throat and steps off to the side, starting to load the plates into the dishwasher. “So,” he said. “You’ve had dinner. We’ve discussed what you should do. You can go on home then. Make sure you go see a doctor soon.”

Harry furrows his eyebrows together and lets out a surprised yet soft breath. He bites his lip, trying to fight back the hurt he feels from Louis kicking him out. “I would but, erm, I don’t know where I live now,” he admits. “I was there this morning, but..I didn’t even bother to check the address when I left to get here. I was so frightened.”

Louis almost slams the dishwasher door shut when he finishes loading it up. He’s just so frustrated and annoyed and fed up. He just wants it all to be over with. “Fine, I’ll figure something out,” he mutters before leaving the kitchen in a hurry before Harry could follow him.

Louis is happy that Ricardo moved to one of the guest rooms where all their work out equipment is because he really just needs to be alone and have silence. He sits on the bed and stares blankly at the brown painted wall in his bedroom. Instead of thinking of a solution, his mind starts to wonder as he looks around his room. He can’t help but think about how the room is so boring. The walls are brown, the furniture is brown, his bedspread is brown. There’s no color. There’s no fun. He’s suddenly reminded of when him and Harry moved into their first apartment together after The X-Factor, how they had so much fun painting the walls for their bedroom.

_Harry walks into the flat, closing the door behind himself with his foot. “I’m home, Lou!” he calls out loudly, giggling in excitement to himself. He walks into the bedroom, carrying a rather large paint bucket in one hand and some paintbrushes in his other hand. He’s grinning wildly, dimples showing, until he notices that Louis is already painting the wall. “What are you doing?” he asks._

_Louis turns around, face lighting up like it always did whenever he saw Harry. “Hi, love,” he says, walking over and kissing Harry before pulling back and looking to the wall. “I went out and got paint today,” he said. “Do you like it?”_

_Harry studies the color on the wall. It’s an awkward shade of blue, and Harry wants to like it so much because he likes Louis so much, but he just can’t bring himself to do it. It’s not light enough to be a baby blue for a nursery, yet it’s not dark enough used on wall for angsty and moody teenagers. It’s an in between shade that just doesn’t feel right. “It’s...special,” he finally answers. He sits his can of paint down and leans over, opening it up. “I wanted to paint the walls this color.”_

_Louis sits his paint brush down into the can and swipes his fringe on his forehead to the side before walking over and looking at the can of paint. His face immediately shows how he feels about the color, distorting into a look of disgust. “Yellow, Harry?” he incredulously asks. “It’s hideous.”_

_“It’s fun,” Harry answers back, sounding a little offended. “It’s bright and happy. We never have any sunshine in London; this can be our little bit of sun, our little place of happiness.”_

_Louis almost scoffs at the corniness. Instead, a wide smile forms on his lips. He loves that Harry is so cute and naive and corny. It’s too adorable. “Well, looks like we’re in bit of a pickle,” he says, laughing a bit. “What are we going to do?”_

_Harry is silent while he thinks about it. Suddenly, his face brightens with an idea. “Pickle!” he says like he just thought of the next biggest invention._

Louis shakes himself away from the memory. He tries to push it out of his mind, but he can’t do it, and instead he finds himself giggling a bit. He remembers how Harry left and came back a little while later with another can of paint. It was pale shade of green inspired by the word pickle, because it never took much to inspire Harry. They both liked the color a lot and were satisfied with it.

Louis really misses green.

He misses the green on their walls, but most importantly, he misses those favorite green eyes.

Louis pushes everything out of his mind then. He’s not allowed to think that way anymore.

Before he can let himself slip again, Louis reaches for his phone. He searches through the contact list until he finds a name of someone he hasn’t talked to in years. He knew she could help though. She was always more than willing to help Louis, even when Harry became an ass. He clicks on her name and then listens to the ringing, patiently waiting--and hoping--for her to answer.

“Hello?”

Louis breathes a sigh in relief before running his fingers through his hair nervously. “Hi...Gemma,” he says slowly. “It’s Louis.”

“Louis?!” Gemma asks back in a shocked tone. “What...why are you calling? Is everything alright?”

“I think...I don’t know how to explain this really,” Louis says, running his fingers through his hair again. He gets up and starts to pace around the room slowly. He exhales a heavy breath before starting. “Harry just showed up back to our house acting like nothing ever happened between us,” he explained. “He thinks he’s only 17. He lost his memory somehow. I don’t know, Gemma, I really don’t. I know it all sounds like bullshit, but I am not joking around.” He doesn’t even wait for a response before asking, “Can you come get him? I just..I really need him to leave my house. I can’t stand to be around him again. I hope you understand.”

“I’d love to come get him, Louis--”

“Great, come as soon as possible,” Louis interrupts. He’s feeling really anxious and he just wants this to be over with. “You know where I still live, yeah?”

“I’d love to come get him, Louis,” Gemma repeats quickly so that she won’t get interrupted again. “But I can’t. I’m not home. I’m over in America right now. There’s no way I can get there anytime soon.”

Louis frowns from that answers and sighs. “Does Anne still have the same number?” he asks. To be honest, he’s more nervous to talk to Anne than Gemma. Anne was really upset about what happened between Harry and Louis. He hadn’t talked to her since they broke up.

“I’m sorry Louis, but my mum can’t come get him either,” Gemma replies with a sympathetic voice. “Mum and Robin are here with me too. My nan that moved to California a few years back passed away. We’re here for a funeral. Look, why can’t he just stay there for a few more days until we can get back?”

“Because I cannot stand to have my..my...Harry temporarily living with me and my new boyfriend,” Louis states back a bit sourly. “Even if we were on good terms--which we are not still, by the way--it would be extremely awkward. He needs to see a doctor Gemma. Why isn’t this urgent to you? Come get him.”

“I can’t come get him, Louis, I’m sorry,” Gemma sincerely apologizes. “I’ll be back as soon as possible. Can you just please take care of him? If he’s being serious about this, I don’t want him to be by himself.” She pauses for a moment before adding in, “I know my brother is an ass, but please just do this for me. I love him, and if something even worse than this were to happen to him, I don’t know what I would do.”

“Fine,” Louis replies back, letting out a frustrated huff of air. “I’m doing this for you. I’ll take him to see a doctor tomorrow and we’ll go from there.” He hung up without waiting for a reply.

Louis sighs heavily as he heads out, looking for Harry around the house. He finds him sat on the couch in the living room, looking down at his fingers. “You’ll stay here tonight,” he says loudly, catching Harry’s attention. Harry looks up at Louis then, just staying silent and nodding. Louis knows Harry is upset, he can tell by the look on his face, but he just doesn’t want to do anything about it. He’s afraid of letting his guard down and getting hurt again. “I’ll take you to the doctor tomorrow morning, and then we’ll go from there.”

Harry nods again and smiles weakly, replying with a soft, “Thank you” before looking back down to his fingers.

Louis hesitates on the silence before clearing his throat. “I’ll show you to the guest room,” he says.

“No need to, I know where everything is. I live here,” Harry says. He stands up and shakes his head in frustration. “I mean, I used to live here. I guess. I don’t know.” He walks past Louis and heads to where their guest room used to be. Things weren’t how they used to be though. What was one the guest room is now an in home office for Ricardo. There’s a desk in the center of the room, and there is a large bookshelf on the back wall. Harry knows he shouldn’t snoop around, but he can’t help his curiosity. He wants to know about this man that calls Louis his now. He wants to know that Louis is taken care of.

Harry steps into the office and starts to look around the room, moving slowly as to keep his steps silent. Along the back wall are large blown up pictures of magazine covers, and Harry recognizes the man on it to be Ricardo. He stares at them for a moment before moving over to the desk. Scattered across the desk is just a bunch of papers, nothing really important from what Harry could see. He looked over to one of the side walls and that’s when he feels his heart sink. The entire wall is covered with framed photos of Louis and Ricardo together. He can’t help but walk over there to observe them more. There’s ones of them on a beach together, one of them skiing, another of them dressed up at some event. He doesn’t know what was going on in all these photos, but he does know that he doesn’t like them. He doesn’t like the way Louis’ eyes look dead and how unhappy he looks.

Harry jumps in surprise when he hears a throat clear again, and he turns and looks at the doorway, seeing Louis there. “I’ll show you to the guest room,” he repeats. Harry nods in defeat. He doesn’t want to be in this room anymore.

It turns out that Louis and Ricardo rearranged a lot of the house, Harry notices as Louis leads him to the actual guest room. Instead of the guest room being off away from all other rooms like how it used to be, it is now next door to Louis and Ricardo’s bedroom. Harry heads into the room and looks around a bit, but he doesn’t feel like doing much besides laying down and crying now. He doesn’t want to focus on details and see the change. He hates it so much.

“Um, the bathroom is down the hall if you need it,” Louis explains from his spot in the doorway again. He doesn’t dare go in a room alone with Harry. “There’s extra blankets in the closet. We have some extra clothes in the dresser, feel free to wear what you need.” Louis doesn’t wait for a response before heading back to his own bedroom.

Harry gets up and takes off all of his clothes besides his boxers before lying down in the bed. He scoots under the covers and looks up at the ceiling. It takes a while for his mind to be able to relax and turn off, but eventually it does and he finds himself falling to sleep, ready to wake up in the morning so that everything would be back to normal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chapter 3 gonna be coming soonnn!!!! :) please comment & kudos if you liked it!!


	3. Chapter 3

Harry can’t sleep. He wants to, though. He wants to forget about everything for awhile. He wants to go back to dreaming about the future of his and Louis’ wedding, and if they’ll have azaleas (Louis’ favourite flower) or chrysanthemum’s (Harry’s favourite). But Harry knows that Louis’ll end up- 

“Fuck!”

-winning the- 

“Oh God!” 

-argument because- 

“Harder!” 

Harry quickly puts his pillow over his ears, biting on his lip to keep from screaming. It’s as if Ricardo and Louis had forgotten that Harry was in the room right next door, and decided to have some kind of sex escapade all night. He could hear Ricardo grunting, and Louis’ soft moans, and the headboard banging against the wall, and just now, Louis moaning loudly and yelling out random things. 

Harry wishes he could fall asleep, not because he wants to dream, because he just wants to not hear Louis moaning someone’s name that isn’t his. It stopped for awhile, but they seem to be back at it again. 

He gets up, going over to the closet and finding an old sweater hung up. He puts it on as he goes down the hall towards the living room, deciding to sleep on the couch instead. He sits a bit awkwardly on the leather sofa he had awoken from earlier, tugging on the ends of his sleeves and biting the inside of his cheek. He feels so out of place, now that he’s thinking about it, he’s intruding in on Louis’ life. Louis is different now- and Harry has to get use to it.

Louis didn’t look sad in those photos from the den earlier, it was just Harry. He’d wanted to see him sad, he’d wanted to have some sort of feeling that Louis was still in love with him- even if only a small part of him was, Harry would be okay with that. 

Harry hears a creak behind him and he turns, just fast enough to see a body move through the shadows and through the doorway into the kitchen. He hears a small sniffling, and he hesitantly gets up, slowly padding towards the kitchen. 

The fridge door is open, light coming out from it. The wall on the opposite side from the fridge is illuminating, casting a shadow of someone curled up behind the island. It doesn’t take Harry long to figure out it’s Louis. 

Harry walks towards the fridge, looking around the island and Louis is sitting there, his knees to his chest, and he doesn’t seem to be breathing until he hiccups. 

“Lou?” 

Louis jumps and whips his head towards Harry, blinking a few times and squinting from the light. 

“I’m fine.” He mutters, turning away again, quickly swiping away a few tears. 

“I didn’t ask.” 

“I know you were thinking it.” 

“I’m not thinking much of anything.” 

It’s quiet for a few moments as Harry closes the fridge door, sitting down on the cold tiles across from Louis. Louis doesn’t make any comments, he just holds tighter onto his legs. He can feel Harry staring at him, he can hear his breathing.

“Why aren’t you in bed?” Louis asks. 

“Couldn’t sleep much, and from the sounds of it neither could you.” Harry doesn’t mean to make it sound so rude, but it comes off that way, and Louis glares at him. 

“You can leave, then, if you have a problem with it.” 

Harry waits a few minutes, quiet as he watches Louis. He doesn’t know what he’s waiting for anymore. Harry stands up, starting to walk out of the kitchen when he hears footsteps rushing behind him. 

“Harry-” 

Louis stands beside the counter, holding onto it tightly for support. His knees still feel weak and it’s a painful reminder of these past few years with Ricardo. 

“Hmm?” 

“Try to remember. The sooner you do the sooner you’ll leave again and we can both be happy.” 

Harry stands in the archway, and Louis eventually walks past him, disappearing down the hallway without a goodnight. Harry’s mouth feels dry and he lies on the couch all night, restless and trying so hard to remember. 

He doesn’t remember, and he wakes up at 9:00 am because Ricardo is tapping his arm repeatedly. 

“Harry, Louis called the doctor, and you have to go to appointment.” 

Harry just nods, sitting up and going to the guest bedroom to get his clothes. 

He slips on the jeans and shirt from yesterday, giving up on trying to look presentable once he sees the dark circles under his eyes.

 Louis is waiting in the car, pretending not to notice how Harry is looking at him.

 “When we get there just keep your head down and follow me, ok?” Louis says, and Harry nods, “You don’t remember how the paps and the fans were, do you?”

“I remember we were just starting to break out in America. We were going to start recording for our second album in a few months.” And we were still together, Harry thinks but doesn’t say.

“Well we broke out in more places than America. We went worldwide, and our management had given me a girlfriend when the people started to catch on that we were a couple. They tried to make you date someone, but that usually ended up with me getting in a huge fight with management, and then you fighting with me.” 

“Why did I fight with you?” Harry cuts him off a little. 

Louis hesitates for a moment, “You didn’t want to date anyone at first, but then eventually you started just giving in and I never wanted you to. Then you told me to stop stressing over it and that it’s your life not mine...My fake girlfriend had created tension between us since the very beginning, and then you started to go out more once you were 19, and you’d hang out with all these guys all the time. People thought you had cheated on me and that’s why we’d broken up.” His words get quieter and quieter until it’s barely audible. The car is silent for a few minutes. 

“Louis?”

 “Yah?”

 “Why did we break up?”

 Louis’ hands tighten on the steering wheel and he shifts in his seat.

 “I’d rather you just remember what happened than me having to talk about it...And that’s why we’re going to the doctor, to see how long it’ll be till you remember.”

 Louis parks the car on the side of the road, Harry getting out first then going around the side as Louis gets out. Louis locks the car and then tells Harry to follow him.

 There isn’t that many people outside the doctor's office, but wherever they go there always seems to be fans. Once they were inside, it wasn’t long until the road started to fill with people and paparazzi. 

They sat in the waiting room for a few minutes before a lady came to get them. Louis waits in a squeaky chair as Harry gets a CAT scan, trying his hardest not to worry about him. He keeps himself calm by thinking about how easily Harry will leave once he remembers.

A half hour later, Harry and Louis are sitting in an office, a man behind a desk sitting in front of them, and he clicks around on his computer before turning it towards them, showing Harry’s scan. 

“On the left is a healthy brain, on the right is yours, Mr.Styles.” 

The healthy brain has all kinds of colours which are bright and strain Harry’s eyes a little. Harry looks towards his brain, which isn’t as colourful and not as bright, some places a dark purple and blue, like a bruise. 

“What does this show, exactly?” Louis asks, a little impatient. 

“It shows that Harry must have hit head or did something to cause a rupture in the brain, which may have also been the cause of his loss of memories. Most amnesiac patients just have their memories locked away somewhere, and overtime, they’ll be unlocked suddenly because of a certain action, phrase, song, anything.” 

“So there isn’t any medication? Or surgeries to speed up the process?”  
  
“No, I’m sorry. It might take an hour, a few days, could take years to remember. Everyone is different.” 

“Well, thank you for your time. I trust that you won’t say anything to the press.” 

Louis gets up, an annoyed smile on his face, and he pulls Harry out the door. 

“Remember to stay behind me, ok? Don’t answer any questions.”

Louis begins walking outside, and it takes just a few seconds for people to notice, and the camera’s to start flashing. 

“Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson together again in the flesh, who would’ve thought!?”

“Are you boys together again?” 

“I knew you guys would be together again someday! You make me so happy!” 

Harry looks up at the last comment, a girl no older than 19 standing there with a smile on her face, a camera in her hands. Harry gives her a small frown, and then feels a hand wrap tightly around his bicep. 

“I said stay behind me.” Louis whispers a little harshly, tugging him towards the car and pushing him inside. Harry’s arm tingles where Louis had been holding onto him. Harry keeps his head down till they’ve driven away, keeping it down and leaning against the window the rest of the way. They don’t stop at Louis’ house, they keep driving, and then Louis says, 

“Taking you back to yours.” 

And Harry nods. 

Once they get back to Harry’s, Louis stands awkwardly at the door. 

“Are you going to come inside?” Harry asks. Louis just stands there for a moment longer before stepping inside behind Harry.

Harry goes to get changed, finding an old Jack Willis sweatshirt and putting it on, feeling a bit more like himself once he does.

He finds Louis in the kitchen, looking at the pictures on the fridge. 

“Louis?” Harry’s voice startles Louis, and Louis’ head whips around to face him. He blinks a few times before a small smile comes to his face. 

“You still have that sweater?” Louis asks. 

“I found it at the bottom of the closest. I feel better in it.” 

Louis stares at the sweater, the label ‘Jack Willis’ is faded and the purple colour has turned into an ugly grey and the strings are all frayed, and it just brings back so many memories. Louis’ smile falters, and he goes to walk past Harry, towards the front door. 

“Well now that you’re all settled, I have to go.” 

“Louis, please don’t.” Harry’s voice is quiet and Louis already has one hand on the doorknob, his other hand tight around his key for his car. 

“Harry, we’re different people now. We can’t- I can’t stay.” Louis shakes his head, and Harry’s biting his lip anxiously. 

“Then let me stay- just one more night?” 

“I don’t think Ricardo will like that.” 

“If he doesn't, then I’ll just go.” 

Louis is silent, and Harry sighs, his eyebrows furrowed with sadness. 

“If he doesn’t, which I’m 99% sure he will not want you staying, you go, and don’t call me unless its a complete emergency. And if somehow, in the next few days, you remember, don’t call me at all.” 

It’s almost as if he can physically hear Harry’s heart breaking. Harry’s shoulders slump, and his eyes turn dull and he nods, swallowing a lump in his throat. 

“I’ll pack some of my things.” He mumbles before he disappears down the hallway.

 Louis rubs the heel of his hands into his eyes, trying not to cry. No matter what happened in the past, there is always going to be some kind of tether that holds them together. Louis use to think it was long ago broken, but just now, seeing Harry in that faded purple sweater full of scents and stains and memories, he can feel that the tether is still there. And it’s still strong. 

When they get back to Louis and Ricardo’s, Harry waits by the front door as Louis goes to talk to Ricardo.

Louis sits on the edge of the bed, scratching at the palm of his hand nervously as Ricardo stands in front of him, hands on his hips. 

“It’s only more night-” 

“We are not a charity, Louis.” 

“I understand that, but he’s an old friend and if he needs just one more night then so be it. One more night, then he’s gone.” 

“But what if it is not just one more night Louis! This is our house now, not yours and his!” 

Louis looks down at the ground. He hates it when Ricardo yells at him. 

“I do not want him staying.” Ricardo says, “I was seeing the way you were looking at eachother last night.” 

“We weren’t-” Louis tries to get a word in, but Ricardo interrupts him before he can. 

“If you want him to stay then maybe you should leave.” 

Louis puts his head in his hands, trying to not cry again. But he fails, and he’s sobbing within seconds. He’s too overwhelmed, and stressed. When Ricardo yells, all Louis can picture is the night him and Harry got into a fight, how much they both yelled.

_Louis sat silently at the dinner table alone, the only sound was the sound of the old fridge making noises and the sound of his steady breathing. He wasn’t feeling steady at all, though. It was their anniversary today, and Harry had barely been home all week, Louis didn’t know why he had expected Harry to come home today. He had tried to make a dinner, a simple sauce and some pasta, but that was a few hours ago, everything had gone cold now._

_He hears the front door open and his heart skips a few beats. He leans forward in his chair, putting his glasses on, his wine glass down, and looking down at his book._

_Harry comes into the kitchen, leaning against the doorframe, and he looks at Louis, neither of them saying hello first before Harry starts speaking._

_“Did you cook something?”_

_“Yes.”_

_“Thought so, I could smell the burnt food from the front hall.”_

_Louis looks up, anger and sadness boiling inside of him._

_“Do you remember what today is?”_

_Harry shrugs, “What is it? Did I miss my sisters birthday or something?” He walks over to the calendar by the fridge, looking at it and he drags his finger down the columns, stopping on the date, “Oh.” he says once he’s realized._

_“Oh.” Louis replies._

_“Louis I’m sorry I forgot-”_

_“Don’t be sorry. I expected you to forget anyways.”_

_“Why did you expect me to forget?”_

_“It’s the only thing I actually expect from you nowadays. You’re always forgetting about me. You’re never home. You’re always out. You never spend time with me or the boys anymore. You don’t even tell me you love me on our anniversary. ”_

_“I-”_

_“But you know what? I expect that too.”_

_An irritated smile forms on Harry’s face, and he laughs slightly before saying, “You’re so selfish, you know that?”_   
  
_“Oh, I’m selfish? Please enlighten me.”_

_“It’s always you you you. You never once ask me how my day was or anything about me anymore. You’re always complaining about how tired you are, or how busy you are, and you never tell me that you love me.” Harry says, using Louis’ words._

_“Like hell I don’t. Even if I don’t say it I show it in more ways than one. You don’t even do things to show me you love me! I sat in this chair for hours waiting for you! If that doesn’t tell you how much I love you, then I don’t know what does!” He says before standing from the chair, pushing it into the table._   
  
_“Well I didn’t ask for you to waste your time sitting there!”_   
  
_“You think I’m just wasting my time? Wasting my time with what, loving you? Worrying about you? Wondering when you’re gonna get home every night- wondering if you’re gonna even come home?”_

_“Maybe I don’t wanna come home to you complaining any more!”_   
  
_“Then don’t come home!”_

_Harry’s about to reply but stops, leaning back on the counter. Louis’ crying, his hands in fists and he’s just so angry he doesn’t know what to do._

_“You don’t mean that.” Harry almost sounds sad, but at the same time he almost sounds relieved._

_“No I fucking do.” Louis replies harshly, spitting out his words like venom, “If you don’t want to come home anymore, then don’t.”_

“Louis baby?” Louis looks up, eyes stinging with tears and Ricardo is petting his hair back, kneeling in front of him, “I’m sorry for getting mad. If you want Harry to stay, he can- only one night.” He feels Ricardo’s thumb swiping gently across his cheek, getting rid of any tears that had fallen. 

“Only one night.” Louis agrees, “Then I promise he’ll be gone.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! I just wanted to tell you all how sorry I am for this chapter being so delayed :( I was busy with school then got busy with family and work and I never found the time to finish this until now! I hope you enjoy :)

When Louis wakes up, the sun is shining brightly through the curtains, illuminating the room with a yellow warmth. He rolls over with his eyes still closed and with a wide smile on his face, but the smile suddenly drops when he rolls over into an empty spot instead of a body. Louis’ eyes flash open and he sees that the other side of the bed is indeed empty, and he sits up so quickly he gets a headrush. Louis yawns and rubs his eyes slightly before opening them back up to see that not only is his bed empty, but so is his room. He frowns from the realization, loneliness creeping into his heart. He stands up and pads out of the bedroom and downstairs, swiftly moving into the kitchen with a wide smile, but once again he found the room empty. His frown deepens, and he just stands there and worriedly looks at the empty room. 

Harry isn’t here. He isn’t in the room with him. He isn’t in the kitchen making him breakfast like always. He was gone, and that filled Louis with even more worry. But, hope flourishes in his mind when he hears the low hum of the television from the living room, and he nearly runs to the room, heart pounding excitedly in his chest. His heart falters before slowing down as he stops in his track.

In the room, there are three people, definitely way more than only one person he expected to be there -- Harry. His eyes trail over the people before stopping on a dark skinned man, and it takes a few seconds to recognize Ricardo. The little bit of hope that flickered like a flame in the back of Louis’ mind burns out, and he lets out a huff of air in defeat. 

He must’ve been dreaming because in his mind, he was with Harry once again. There was no Ricardo. There was no problems. He was with Harry and he was happy, and nothing bad ever happened to them so they never separated. 

“Good morning.”

Louis’ mind is drawn away from his sadness over his lack of reality of his dream over to where the voice came from--Ricardo, his boyfriend. He wishes he could be able to say that it came from his boyfriend Harry instead.

Louis swallows thickly. Ricardo’s voice is tight and it’s extremely obvious that he is angry or frustrated or both of those things. “Morning, love,” he sweetly replies in hopes that the anger would dissipate from the model. As much as he longed for Harry again, he knows that he is with Ricardo, and he needs to keep the relationship as stable as possible. Louis doesn’t even glance over at Harry, so he doesn’t see the hurt expression on the boy’s face. He just can’t deal with him right now after his dream he had last night.

His eyes flicker over to the third person in the room as he remembers there is someone else, and he’s slightly confused until he sees Zayn--and then he’s even more confused. Sure, the two stayed close friends after the band split up, but most of the time they only talked to each other through phone calls and texts, rarely getting chances to meet up in person anymore. Zayn was awfully busy, so if he took the time to come here unannounced, he knew it was for something serious. “What happened?” he asks. 

Zayn glances up at Louis, an unrecognizable emotion in his eyes. He reaches over and grabs the remote, pressing the volume button up a few times so that the television is more audible. Louis expects the worse as he looks at the screen. What could have happened?

His silent question is quickly answered when a clip of Louis and Harry walking together from the doctor’s office is playing. They are close together, and Louis has a strong grip on Harry’s arm to keep him close. There is one word written at the bottom of the screen, in bold white letters. Reunited?

After the short clip ends, it switches back over to a female, the host of the celebrity gossip show. “It seems that there is a reunion between the famous One Direction couple,” she states. “Harry Styles and Louis Tomlinson were spotted out and about together yesterday, looking awfully close to one another like old times. Could sparks be flying for the two? And what does this mean for Louis and his current model boyfriend Ricardo ‘Amore’ De Santis? Find out more after the break.” 

The television cuts off to a blank black screen, and that’s when Louis finally looks over to meet Zayn’s eyes. Zayn had turned off the tv, and now he places the remote down on the coffee table, all his movements stiff. In fact, everyone looks really uncomfortable right now. “So...they papped us together,” Louis murmurs. “What’s the big deal?” 

“The big deal?” Zayn repeats, then scoffs, “He’s the deal, Louis.” He says, pointing at Harry, who looks at Zayn sadly, then down to his hands in his lap, “He’s just fucking with you! I know it! Thats how Harry always was, and always will be.” 

“Zayn he’s not kidding with this ‘I forgot everything’ thing- The doctor told us he’s got amnesia, but Harry says he doesn’t remember hitting his head on anything- obviously,” Louis replies a bit annoyed. 

“You can’t seriously be taking his side on this, Louis.”

“He needs help, Zayn, not criticism.”

“Well,” Zayn starts. “We’ve tried to help him before and look where that got us. Look where we are now, Louis.”

“Zayn,” Harry says, and Zayn and Louis both look at him. “Please stop fighting. Especially if you’re going to fight about me.”

Zayn lets out a heavy sigh and shakes his head. It’s easy to tell that he’s really frustrated. “Louis - “ he starts but then stops. He grabs onto Louis’ arm and drags him into the kitchen. “What are you even thinking?!” he asks in a hiss. He’s trying to keep his voice quiet so that no one else will hear.

Harry feels even more awkward now, especially that he is left alone in the room with Ricardo. There is an unnerving silence and it’s sending chills up Harry’s arms. He’s about to make some awful small talk with him when Ricardo gets up and darts into the kitchen, and Harry lets out a heavy breath in relief. He needs the alone time; he’s very confused and he just wants to think.

Ricardo enters the kitchen and he heads over to Louis and Zayn, quietly interrupting their heated conversation. “I have to pack now,” he murmurs softly to Louis as he wraps an arm around his waist and pulls him in closer. He’s still tense and agitated, but he’s trying to be as loving to Louis as possible. “Come to the room when you finish,” he adds - kissing Louis’ cheek for good measure - before turning and leaving the two alone again.

“I really can’t believe you, Louis,” Zayn starts back up from where he left off. “After everything he put you through - you just go help him like you care about him again, like he cares about you again. He tore you apart! He doesn’t care.” His voice isn’t soft anymore.

“I’m telling you that he’s telling me the truth!” Louis desperately responds. It’s not like he’s trying to defend Harry, but…

“Stop defending him, Louis!”

Harry hears all this from the living room, and he feels even more uncomfortable now. He quickly grabs the remote and turns on the television and turns up the volume to try and drown at the loud arguing.

“I’m not, Zayn, I -”

“Yes, you are!” Zayn yells back. “Tell him to leave now. I’m not going to sit by and watch him hurt you again.”

Louis sighs and shakes his head. “Zayn,” he softly starts in a pleading tone. He’s tired and confused himself and he just doesn’t know what to do, but he does know that he doesn’t want to sit here and fight with his best friend anymore. “I’m just helping to take care of him until Gemma or Anne get back home and can take over,” he explains, though it’s easy to tell that he’s trying to convince himself the same thing. 

“He’s not a baby, though he always acted like one, he can take care of himself,” Zayn argues. Louis is at least happy that his tone softened slightly. “He didn’t truly see what he put you through. He wasn’t the one who had to sit by and watch you struggle and suffer. He wasn’t the one who had to help you pick up all the pieces and put you back together. And you know what?” 

Louis waits for Zayn to continue but when he doesn’t, he shakes his head. “What?”

“Your pieces aren’t even fully back together yet,” Zayn answers. “I haven’t seen you in so long Lou, but I know you so well and I know that you aren’t complete again. He will break you apart again, piece by piece until there is nothing left.”

Harry stayed quiet in the living room and tried to listen to the argument even though he didn’t want to, but quickly their voices softened so that the only thing Harry could hear was the stupid advertisements on the television. After a little bit though, the gossip show comes back on and the woman reporter from before comes back onto the screen. He’s happy to see she’s talking about the latest story about someone from the Kardashian family; he’s just happy the news about them is over. But, the story doesn’t last for long, and the clip from earlier of Louis and Harry walking outside the doctor’s office popped back up. Harry sighs in defeat, but he finds himself watching it anyways. 

“Ricardo has been the man of Louis’ life as of lately, but with Harry Styles back in the picture, will old feelings flare back up?” the host starts the story. “Ever since their days back on the X Factor, many knew of the obvious connection between the two One Direction popstars - “ as she speaks, clips from their X Factor interviews and backstage videos pop up. Harry watches with wide eyes. “and when the two came out, the relationship was so strong that every fan was guaranteed that a ‘Larry Stylinson’ wedding would be evident and would be grander than the Royal Wedding.” This time theres clips and pictures of them, and Harry assumes this must’ve been after they came out. There’s lots of pictures and videos of them out and about together, looking happy with smiles and holding hands. 

Harry doesn’t even pay attention to what the lady says after that. His eyes are tearing up and he feels sick to his stomach. He wants to run away but he feels so weighted down with sadness and despair that he can’t. His eyes are glued to the screen seeing things that should be memories but instead are completely new to him. The pain stings through his heart. All he thinks about is how he did something wrong and how he fucked up the best thing in his life -- and the worst part was the he doesn’t even know what he did to lose Louis. It’s finally hitting him that nothing is the same. He can’t win the love of his life back. Louis is gone forever. And just that thought has Harry feeling sicker than before. His mind is a whirlwind of emotions and he can’t fight them back anymore. 

The tears fall out in a rush as Harry practically jumps up from the couch and runs out the front door.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are together again. Louis reminisces.

Louis puts his hand up to silence Zayn, who he can see out of the corner of his eye looks at him confused, but stops talking.

“What is it?” He asks, and Louis opens the kitchen door, looking out into the living room. It’s empty, and his heart drops into his stomach. He thinks he might have heard a door closing, and when he looks around to see that Harry isn’t there, he frowns.

“Harry?” He calls out, and he hears Zayn scoff behind him. When there isn’t a reply, Louis looks back at Zayn, “I think he left.”

“Good. Maybe he smartened up and realized we weren’t going to take his shit anymore.”

“Zayn, stop with this already.” Louis says as he walks out of the kitchen, Zayn following him closely on his heels. When he enters the family room and doesn’t see Harry there, he doesn’t know why his heart drops into his stomach the way it does.

He looks around, seeing the front door is slightly ajar. He walks over, opening it just in time to see Harry slipping out of the gates. This should be a good thing, right? Harry’s leaving on his own. He didn’t even say goodbye. He shouldn’t go after him. What he should be doing is closing the door and maybe have a few drinks with Zayn to forget about the past two days.

What he shouldn’t be doing is practically running outside after Harry, yelling out his name as he hears Zayn yelling out his own.

“Harry-” He pants, having just stepped out of the gates to find Harry sitting on the curb with his phone. He’d taken a moment to admire the length of Harry’s legs outstretched onto the road, and the curve of his spine and the small little ringlets of curls at the bottom of his hairline. “Where are you-”

“I don’t know the password.” Harry mutters, and Louis raises an eyebrow.

“Password?”

“To my phone,” He looks up at him, eyes watering, “It use to be your name- I don’t know what I would’ve changed it to.”

Louis laughs a little awkwardly, then goes to sit next to him. Not exactly next to him, their arms are not touching, but it’s enough to hopefully be comforting to Harry.

“Try your own name.” Louis says.

“Already did.” His answer surprises Louis slightly, and it hurts too. Has his words gotten to Harry enough to believe that he was as selfish as he says he is? He doesn’t even know if that thought makes sense, but the last thing he’s wanted to do since he met Harry was hurt him.

Louis’ quiet for a moment, trying to decide on something to say.

“Are you going to come back inside?”

“Wasn’t planning on it.”

“What were you planning on?” Louis asks, turning a little more towards him.

“Calling a cab, and getting a drive to my mom's..As long as she's kept the spare key where I think it is.”

“Driving from London to Cheshire? You haven't even got any cash on you, do you?”  
  
“I’m ‘Harry Styles’, am I not?” Louis knows Harry means it as a joke, but the way he says it, like he’s serious and desperate to believe that things aren’t the way they are, it makes Louis’ heart clench.

“By that you mean, you think you can get things for free because of your name?”

Harry shrugs, then looks down at his hands. Louis feels the need to reach out to him and just- hold him?

Louis internally sighs. He can’t touch him, it would just start things he doesn’t need started. He feels like its 2014 again and management is breathing down his neck.

He hasn’t felt this hopeless in so long.

“Will you come back inside?”

“Depends, will Zayn still hate my guts if I do?”

Louis smiles slightly, “Probably. But I won’t.” He kind of regrets saying that, cause when Harry looks up at him, eyes a little watery but looking at Louis like he’s the fucking sun, he feels like his insides are melting. A good melting, though.

“Come on, I’ll invite the other boys for dinner, how’s that sound?” He asks, and that seems to persuade Harry, because he nods and sits up straighter.

“Only if I’m allowed to cook dinner for you all.”

Louis laughs and stands up, then pulls Harry up. When Harry’s standing on the curb, looking down at him with a humorous expression, Louis feels like he’s 20 again, staring straight into 17 year old Harry’s eyes and just wanting to kiss him so bad.

“You can cook. Just don’t burn down my house.”

“You underestimate me, Lou.”

000

Niall is the first to arrive, at exactly 5:00 too.

“Where is he?”

“Hello to you, too.” Louis says as Niall shucks off his shoes and leaves them in a messy pile by the door. Niall looks at him, and his lips turn down into a frown, eyebrows furrowed together to create the most serious expression Louis’ ever seen etched onto his features.

“Kitchen.” Louis says quickly, and Niall walks ahead of him as Louis fixes his shoes. Louis normally wouldn’t care about little things like fixing shoes at the door, but Ricardo didn’t like it messy. Louis reminisce for a moment, remembering one time Ricardo had yelled at him for almost an hour when he’d spilled a bowl of soup on the bed spread. Ricardo had been sick at the time, and requested Louis to make him soup, and Louis had tripped on something- probably one of Ricardo’s shoes- and spilled everything on the duvet.

He shakes the memory from his mind, trying not to think of how thankful he was when Ricardo wasn’t in the bed at the time, so no soup had spilled on him.

He makes his way to the kitchen, and finds Niall standing just outside the door.

“Everything ok?” Louis asks worriedly, and Niall looks startled as he looks towards him.

Niall’s quiet for a moment, then he takes a breath and says, “Is he really in there?” Louis nods, and Niall continues, “This is weird.”

“Just go.” Louis says, and he doesn’t hear what Niall replies under his breath, since he pushes the door open and walks inside. Louis stands in front of the door now, peering in the little crack of the door that was left open.

Niall walked up behind Harry, who was stirring whatever he was cooking in one of the various pots, and when Niall tapped his shoulder, he whirls around. He can see the sag in Niall’s shoulders, and he thinks it may be a good sign that Niall won’t start yelling at him.

Harry gives him a sad smile, and from the distance, Louis can tell that Harry's eyes are watering.

Louis isn't surprised when Niall engulfs Harry into a hug. Harry hugs him back instantly, and Louis sees Niall's shoulders shaking, which means he must be crying although he can't hear any sound.

"I'm sorry." Harry apologizes, voice cracking. And, although Harry probably doesn't understand everything he's apologizing for, Niall takes it, and lets out a small sob.

When they finish hugging, Niall puts his outstretched arms on Harry's shoulders, and Louis hears him say, "Missed you, buddy."

Liam’s arrival goes pretty much the same, and Zayn apologizes ‘for his actions earlier’, and Harry says he understands. Louis isn’t sure if he really does. He pities him. He pities himself.

“Ok! Shh-” Harry says as he comes walking out of the kitchen. Five minutes earlier, he had told the boys and Ricardo to go sit down, since he was almost done cooking dinner.

The boys, who’d previously been hounding Liam about his youngest son, also the newest addition the family (family meaning not only the Payne household, but the Tomlinson, Malik and Horan as well), all quieted.

“Dinner is about to be served, would you like to know what I made?”

  
“The suspense has been killing me all day. Please.” Louis says jokingly, and Niall smiles with his bottom lip between his teeth, cheeks pink from the three bottles of beer he’s already had.

“Alright- I have made chicken, stuffed with mozzarella, wrapped in parma ham with a side of homemade mash.” Harry smiles cheekily, and Niall groans. Louis’ heart plummets.

“That sounds glorious, please bring it in.” Niall comments, and Liam hums an agreement.

Louis hears Harry giggling and running back into the kitchen as he sing-song’s an ‘Ok!’. Louis can’t breath, he physically feels rooted to the spot. He feels like the room is spinning, and he can feel Ricardo squeezing his thigh tightly, and Zayn staring at him with a curious expression.

Harry brings out the food, and it feels like old times again. All of them having conversations with another about various things, but Louis feels completely out of place. He moves around his piece of chicken, looking up occasionally when Harry speaks, or when he feels Ricardo tap him on the leg. The only thing that catches his attention is when Zayn asks,

“Whats the last thing you remember, Harry?”

Its totally out of context, since Niall was telling Harry something about derby, and the rest were listening in. It was also the first thing Zayn had said practically all night, and everyone looks at him curiously. He ignores the looks, staring at Harry coldly.

Harry looks scared under Zayn’s harsh gaze, and Louis’ heart aches slightly. More than slightly.

“We just had our last concert of the Up All Night tour.” Harry begins, “And- Louis and I didnt go to the after party, we went back to the hotel, and um...” His cheeks being to turn red, as do Louis’. Harry shrugs then, and looks down at his plate. Louis lets out a breath, and Harry looks up at him slightly, his hair falling into his eyes. Louis remembers that night so vividly, and how could he not? It was their second time, their first time having been the Leeds Festival, and now that he thinks about it, a lot of the milestones in his life were spent with Harry, and he doesn’t know why he yearns for all his milestones to be with Harry.

_The door slams closed behind them as they walk into their hotel room for the night, Harry’s fingers are laced with Louis’, pulling him towards the couch._

_“I feel like goo.” Harry says._

_“Thats romantic.”_

_“Lou-”_

_Louis shuts him up with a kiss, unlacing their fingers so Louis could get a grip on his neck, fingers tangling into the curly tangle of Harry’s hair. Harry closes his eyes after Louis does, then pulls him down to sit ontop of him on the couch. Louis laughs against his lips as Harry moans a little._

_“Seriously I feel like I’m going to combust into flames, though.” Harry says, moving away from him. Louis laughs more, leaning his forehead against Harry’s. Then they both get quiet, staring into eachothers eyes, and Louis can see Harry’s eyes getting darker as he also feels his pants getting tented underneath him._

_“Harry?”_   
  
_“Yes?”_

_“What would you say,” Louis starts, hands going to Harry’s shoulders, which Louis doesn’t admit that he’s jealous of how Harry’s shoulders are broader than his, and he’s two years younger._

_“What would I say…” Harry eggs him on playfully._

_“If I asked you, if you wanted to have sex again?” He questions, searching Harry’s eyes for an emotion, but Harry’s eyes are blinking rapidly, and there are too many emotions being displayed at one time that Louis feels a little more light headed then he already did._

_“You..you wanna?”_

_“I wanna.” Louis breathes against Harry’s lips, and Louis assumes Harry wants to as well when he kisses him, hard. Louis moves one leg to either side of Harry’s thighs, straddling him and kissing him back just as passionately._

_Harry surprisingly forces Louis onto his back, looming over him with Louis’ legs around Harry’s pelvis. Harry moves to kiss down Louis’ jaw, delicate and slow and his tongue dragging hotly over his neck, which makes them both moan. Louis’ legs draw in tighter around Harry and he moves his hips up to rut his hips up to Harry’s as he tries to get some friction._

_Harry’s hand slips from the cushion above Louis’ head and it falls quick and hits Louis on the forehead, which makes Louis open his eyes, which he hadn’t even realized had been squeezed shut. Harry looks up at him from where he was previously biting a bruise into his neck, and bursts out laughing._

_Louis starts laughing as well, because of course during sex with Harry ridiculous things would happen in the most inappropriate times._

_“I can’t breathe, oh my- did I hurt you? Are you ok?” Harry wheezes out, and Louis wills his smile to go down a little, cheeks hurting, as he bites his lip. His hands move over Harry’s neck and go to cup his cheeks, nodding._

_“No, you didn’t hurt me.” He says, and Harry’s only letting out a few giggles now, his laughter stopping completely when Louis raises himself a little bit to close the gap between them and reattach their lips. Harry’s are wet and swollen already, which makes Louis want to just ravage him. And, ok, maybe that word is a little animalistic but it’s the only word Louis can really think of to describe him._

_“Harry?”_   
  
_“Yeah?” Harry says it breathlessly, his neck moving involuntarily to continue to kiss Louis but Louis moves back down, and when Harry finally opens his eyes and looks at him, his green eyes look to each of Louis’ blue ones, Louis says,_

_“I love you..alot.”_

_The corners of Harry’s lips turn up into a smile. And he’s so beautiful without even trying Louis wonders how he’d been so lucky-so blessed-_

_“I love you alot too.”_

_Louis pulls him down to kiss him again, Harry then moving to continue on his hickey, the sweet spot that he so dearly loves._

_“Will you make love to me, Harry Styles?” Louis says in between breaths, his heartbeat racing as he says it. Harry suddenly stops everything he’s doing and is hovering above Louis again, the tip of his nose touching Louis’._

_“There is nothing I want more in this world.” He says as he stares down at Louis, which makes Louis blush immensely although he’s sure Harry doesn’t mind._

_“Not even-”_

_“Don’t even finish that sentence, because nothing, and I mean nothing,” Harry laughs slightly, a crazy spark flashing in his eyes, “is better than you, Louis Tomlinson.”_

_Louis doesn’t know why his eyes fill with tears, the blood pounding in his ears and he feels like he’s going to throw up a bunch of butterflies. He feels numb, and he barely remembers the walk from the couch to their bedroom, with their double bed, and corn-startched hotel sheets that he’s now lying down on._

_Louis watches as Harry undresses himself, only leaving himself in his bright red briefs that have a little wet patch at the front and Louis can make out the outline of his cock. Louis almost feels sorry for how much Harry is straining in his confines, then he remembers that he too is fully hard and still fully dressed._

_“Clothes- off.” Louis murmurs, and Harry’s already working on shimmying Louis’ pants down his thighs, sparing a moment to kiss each one and giggle afterwards as he pulls the pants off his ankles and to the floor with the other discarded clothing._

_“Now what?” Harry asks once he’s pulled Louis’ shirt off. Louis forgets they’ve only done this once, and the first time it was the other way around. Of course they’ve never had the talk as to who would ‘top’ each time and all- so Louis just figured they’d share that, really._

_“Um- do we have any lube? Remember last time-”_

_Harry shudders, “I remember.”_

_They obviously didn’t plan it the first time they did it, so when the time came and they needed lube, they ended up using a mix of hand sanitizer, sunscreen, and tanning oil, (which mixed smelt good but did not in any way taste good)._

_“I actually bought some a while back..Remember that time in Liverpool, Niall took us to that sex shop for a laugh? I bought three different kinds actually,” Harry rolls off the bed, and Louis sits up, curious as he watches Harry walk across the room, his little bum jiggling and Louis smirks._

_“Three?”_

_“Yeah- they had vanilla, strawberry, and then just plain incase we didn’t like the taste. I got vanilla for you and strawberry for me- considering we don’t have any allergies to..” Harry looks down at the small bottles, reading the back, “Um..Nuts?”_

_Louis bursts out laughing, and Harry looks at him quizzically before his expression goes somber, and then he’s laughing too, crawling back onto the bed as he murmurs, “No..nuts are good- very good.”_

_Louis feels overwhelmed and he kisses him again before saying, “Lets try the vanilla, yeah? I don’t think they could go wrong with vanilla.”_

_Harry nods, leaning forward on his knees towards Louis. He puts some on his thumb, then he squishes it between his thumb and other fingers, eyebrows raised since his fingers start slipping from each other. Louis grabs his wrist, and Harry looks up at him. Louis takes one of his fingers in his mouth, sucking on it dirtily and Harry’s eyes go dark again._

_He pops off, licking his lips._

_“Hmm..Kind of like a vanilla frosting- not too-.”_

_Harry kisses him, hard, his wet fingers going to thread through Louis’ hair. Louis lies back down, Harry swinging his leg over to straddle him. Their clothed cocks rub against eachother slightly and they both moan simultaneously into each others mouths. Harry’s tongue finds its way into Louis’, and Louis grips at Harry’s bum as Harry moves away and bites on his bottom lip._

_“Fuck- can’t tell if its just you that tastes good or if its the vanilla still in my mouth.” Louis says, and Harry smiles darkly._

_“Me. Definitely me.”_

_Harry keeps moving down, his tongue leaving a wet and hot trail down Louis’ neck and chest, sparing his nipples and torso and going straight to the top of his briefs. Harry’s hand cups Louis’ cock, Louis bucking his hips into his touch, silently begging for more._

_Harry breathes hotly onto the fabric, sending tingles all throughout Louis’ body, sending a wave of heat over himself and he feels his cock twitch, his leg twitching slightly as well. Harry pulls his briefs down his thighs, and once his cock slaps against his stomach Louis moans loudly._

_“You sound so fucking hot, Lou. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of those sounds.” He says, looking to where Louis’ hands are digging into the sheets. He doesn’t waste time teasing anymore, bending over and straining his back a little so he can pour some of the vanilla lube on his fingers and then spread it around Louis’ hole generously._

_Once he’s got one finger inside Louis he looks up to see Louis watching him, and he keeps his eye contact as he sticks his tongue out, flattening it against Louis’ hole and Louis grinds down. Harry keeps his tongue flat and runs it up towards Louis’ cock, licking the underside of his balls and going on, his lips enveloping around the head and he swallows around it._

_Louis feels euphoric, and for the first time ever can’t stop the moans stringing from his lips- doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to stop. Harry adds a second and a third finger a few minutes apart from each other, the swelling around the tip of his cock having been too much of a distraction to feel any pain. He feels so open for Harry, so willing and just so needy and loving, he can’t help but start to repeat,_

_“Harry fuck me, you need to fuck me now-” Over and over before he feels the fullness from Harry’s fingers and the heat from his lips disappear. His vision clears for a few moments and he sees Harry discarding his briefs, Harry’s own cock straining and red from not having any friction or some type of release at all._

_Harry lubes his cock up with the plain vanilla, deciding to use that for everything that won’t be needing a taste to it. He lines himself up at Louis’ hole, a hand on Louis’ cock and his fingers digging at his sides._

_“Wait-” Louis says suddenly, and Harry looks up through hooded eyes, hair matted to his forehead from sweat and he looks so desperate._

_“Yeah? Am I- fuck- am I going too fast?”_

_“No- God, no- I just want you to- to kiss me. Please.” Louis begs, and Harry nods, bending over to kiss him. Louis makes grabby hands at him as Harry gets closer, and soon enough has his arms hooked under Harry’s arms, nails digging into his back as Harry kisses him sweetly, gently, and so, so passionately._

_Louis relaxes slightly, melting under Harry, and Harry uses that moment to slide into Louis in one graceful thrust. Louis decides if there is anything Harry is graceful at, it’s probably sex._

_Louis pants against Harry’s lips, Harry making Louis lock his ankles around his waist. Louis’ arms fall to the sides of the bed, feeling like jello as Harry bends Louis’ thighs forward, Louis’ cock trapped between both of their bellies as Harry begins to thrust slowly in and out of Louis._

_They keep eye contact most of the time, except when Harry’s cock brushes against Louis’ prostate and Louis blanks out for a few moment. Harry can tell Louis’ close from his dilated pupils and distant look in his eyes._

_“Gonna come- soon-” Harry whispers, and Louis nods._

_“Me too.”_

_“Same time?” Harry asks, not knowing how he’s able to form words right now. He looks down for a moment, watching, mesmerized as him and Louis are connected in the most intimate way possible, and he feels his stomach tightening and he knows he’s close._

_Louis makes a quiet and delicate, ‘Uh huh’, and Harry picks up his rhythm, forehead against Louis’. They’re both sweating but refuse to move away, their hot breath transferring into each others mouths with each pant and each sharp intake of breath._

_“When?” Louis asks, his hands had somehow found their way on Harry’s back again, and they moved up, feeling the muscles on Harry’s back and once Louis’ fingers reach the back of Harry’s neck he feels the muscles contracting in his stomach._

_Harry thrusts a few more times, getting a little rougher and making Louis scoot up the bed slightly on a few particular thrusts._

_But then Harry wraps a hand around Louis’ cock and whispers, “Now,” and Louis is gone. Louis is coming between their bodies as he feels Harry thrust once more before he’s filled with the feeling of Harry coming inside of him. Faintly, he hears Harry say, or more like yell, “Fuck, I love you.” but at the time he’d felt like he was floating away, so he wasn’t sure if he was just hearing himself speak._

_They’re both a panting and breathless mess by the time they’ve finished. Harry doesn't pull out until Louis’ come down from his high._

_Louis lets out a loud and content sigh as Harry pulls out, but he whines when Harry climbs off him, and he’s about to call out for him when Harry is there again, a damp towel cleaning the come off his stomach, the sweat off his forehead, and he feels it circle around his arse too to collect what he guesses is a mixture of the vanilla lube and come._

_“Baby, where are you?” Louis calls out, sitting up on his elbows and feeling dizzy slightly. Harry comes walking into the room from the washroom, a pair of sweatpants on._

_“Don’t worry, just had to pee quick.” Harry says as he plays with his hair till it’s swooping down in front of his eyes like usual._

_“C’mere.” Louis says as he sits up fully, pulling Harry towards him._

_“Yeah-oof.” Harry says and groans slightly as Louis pulls him a bit roughly ontop of him._

_“Sorry.”_

_“I don’t mind.”_

_Louis closes his eyes after reaching over to turn the bedside lamp off._

_“How’re you feeling?” Harry asks, his hand tickling up and down Louis’ sides comfortingly._

_“Like...goo.”_

_“Arsehole.” Harry giggles into Louis’ neck. Louis’ arm tightens around Harry._

_“I’m serious! Romanticism at it’s very best.” He opens one eye to see Harry looking at him, and he pushes himself up to kiss Louis. Louis falls asleep as their kisses get lazier, sloppier, eventually stopping completely and both falling unconscious into a sleep they both very well deserved._

The next and only thing Louis is conscious of is Zayn calling his name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HOLY CRAP OK
> 
> Hello everyone <3
> 
> I just wanted to apologize for how shitty I am at updating, and I really hope the smut made up for it :')
> 
> kudos&comment if you liked itttt <3


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis tries to help Harry get his memory back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off, I must say that was the lamest chapter summary ever, but I honestly don't know what to type and I'm so tired.
> 
> Secondly, I must apologize. It has taken forever for this update to come out and I am so, so, so sorry for that. The only thing I can do is give my reasons for why it took so long to update, but all those are just excuses. I have been extremely busy with school, work, and my own personal issues, and trying to deal with all those things meant I had little to no free time or whenever I did have free time, I had extreme writer's block.
> 
> I hope the wait was worth it, and I promise to make sure the next update won't take as long as this one did.
> 
> Enjoy.

“Have you packed your toothbrush and toothpaste?”

“Yeah.”

“Your phone charger?”

“Yup.”

Louis was currently sitting on his large, king sized bed in his and Ricardo’s bedroom while he watched his boyfriend finish up packing for his business trip. This was how it was everytime Ricardo had to go out of town. Louis would pout and sulk because he didn’t like to be alone, but he would still sit there and help Ricardo pack and make sure he got everything he needed.

There was a time when Harry was the one making sure Louis packed everything he needed for their tours, and now the roles were reversed and Louis didn’t like it. He liked being the one taken care of, not being the one to take care of others. It was that exact reason why his relationship with Harry was perfect whenever they first started dating. Harry needed someone to take care of, and Louis needed someone to take care of them. They were the perfect pair.

Louis shakes his head to get the thoughts of Harry out. He needs to stop focusing on the curly haired boy. He needs to stop focusing on the past. He needs to stop focusing on last night.

As soon as Ricardo finishes packing, he zips up his rather large suitcase which is full of mostly clothes and hair products. Louis stands from his spot on the bed and walks up to the model and looks up at him with a soft sigh. Just from one look he can tell that Ricardo is stressed and worried about something. Louis reaches up and swipes his thumb across the wrinkles in his forehead. “He’ll be gone soon,” he reassuringly tells his boyfriend, knowing exactly what is on his mind. He’s not even really sure why he was spending this time trying to soothe Ricardo of all people, but it just feels right. He needs to get rid of the gnawing guilt in his stomach.

“He is supposed to be gone since yesterday,” Ricardo replies in annoyance.

“I know, I know,” Louis breathes out the words quickly, shaking his head some more. “He will be gone, I promise,” his voice is more stern this time. He leans forward slightly and presses his lips to his boyfriend’s. The kiss is slightly short, but its sweet and has passion to it -- but even with all those positive emotions it still feels wrong to Louis.

The couple spends a few moments together alone to say their proper goodbyes before they head out into the living room, Ricardo dragging his suitcase behind him. The wheels are squeaky and grazing against the wooden floor loudly and Louis is worried that it will wake up Harry. He doesn’t really feel like dealing with the lad right now; he just needed some moments to himself to collect this thoughts. Luckily, they make it past the guest bedroom and reach the front door without a peep or sound from Harry. The couple shares another moment kissing goodbye and a few whispers of their love for one another before Ricardo heads out of the house and down the driveway.

The moment the car is pulled out of the driveway and heading away, Louis finally lets go of a breath he didn’t realize he was holding in. His legs feel so shaky and weak; his body is sore and he honestly just feels like collapsing right then and there. But he doesn’t, and he somehow manages to shuffle over to the couch in the front living room and collapse down onto it. Louis’ head falls back against the couch cushion and his eyes shut, memories from last night racing through his mind even though he was trying his hardest to push them all away.

_Ricardo had made his way to the bedroom to get to sleep early since he was having to wake up early the next day, and Louis had just finished walking the rest of the boys out of his house so they could go back home when Harry settled into the couch. He tried to stare at the television instead of Louis, but it was nearly impossible. His eyes were always drawn to the older boy whenever he was near, as if there were magnets connecting the two together with some magical force. Louis turns around and looks at Harry, sighing when he realizes the younger boy is staring at him. “What?” he asks._

_“N-Nothing,” Harry stammers the answer while his eyes quickly revert back to the television, trying to pass it off as if he had been staring at the program the whole time._

_“You know, after you broke up with me, I never knew much about you anymore,” Louis carefully explains as he makes his way over to the couch and takes a seat next to the curly-haired lad. He makes sure not to sit too close though. “But if one thing hasn’t changed about you, it’s the fact that you’re a shit liar, Harry.”_

_Harry lets out a huff of air but it sounds like a mixture of annoyance and laughter. He grabs one the of the small, decorative couch pillows and hugs it close to his chest. “I’m sorry,” he apologizes, and that is so much like the old Harry Louis knew it hurt his chest a lot._

_Instead of arguing back with him like he had been lately, Louis just replies back a simple, “It’s fine.”_

Louis groans tiredly, pinching the bridge of his nose in frustration. He’s trying so hard to stop all the memories, but his brain wouldn’t listen to him. He knows what’s coming next and he doesn’t want to remember it, but it comes anyways.

_“I can’t believe I still couldn’t remember anything,” Harry’s voice breaks the awkward silence that was between the two._

_“Yeah...you would think after watching as many interviews and videos as you did it would help,” Louis mumbles back his response, his tone that of when he was having a casual small talk. He wasn’t trying to seem uninterested, he was just trying to distance himself. It was hard to sit here and have a serious, deep conversation with the love of his life who also broke his heart. “I told Niall to stop making you watch them, that they weren’t helping anything, but...he hasn’t changed at all, really...so you know how he is…”_

_“Stubborn and doesn’t give up, yet wants to help everyone and anything he can,” Harry answers._

_“Yeah.”_

_Harry sighs as he shifts his body and turns so that he facing the blue-eyed man. “What if there is another reason why I can’t remember anything?” He questions. “What if it’s not the boys or the songs or concerts that I’m having a hard time remembering? What if it’s you?”_

_“Me?!” Louis asks in disbelief, letting out a fake laugh after that. “Are you trying to say this is all my fault that you lost your memories? Harry, I have you know that --”_

_“No, no!” Harry quickly interrupts before Louis can scold him about something. He’s tired of being yelled at for doing cruel things that he can’t even remember doing. “I just mean...I...I don’t know, really. I’m just - I’m just trying to figure this out. I’m not blaming you!” Louis raises an eyebrow in question, egging Harry to go on with whatever theory he was going on about. The younger boy takes a deep breath before continuing. “I just mean that...you say things were awful between us, yeah? What if part of me doesn’t want to remember that, so it just blocked out everything completely, even all the good times?”_

_Louis rolls his eyes and shakes his head, but on the inside he takes in the information and tries to process it. As much as he was angry with Harry still, he still has a small part of his heart that would love him forever. That part scares him though, so he wants nothing more than to make Harry be okay again so he can send him on his way and block him out of his life again. If what he was saying was true, then Louis thought that maybe, just maybe, if he recreated the good times that the younger boy claimed to be blocked out, then maybe it would jog his memory more. Maybe having a physical reminder would be more._

_Louis doesn’t even realize what is happening until it’s already happening. Suddenly his lips are on Harry’s, and it feels so, so good. It’s meant to be just a simple kiss, but Louis is annoyed that Harry isn’t even trying. Harry’s just sitting there as if he was frozen to the couch. Louis doesn’t understand, because Harry just wants to remember but he’s not doing anything to help. So, Louis takes actions into his own hands even more. His eyes close and his hand reaches up and tangles into Harry’s hair, pulling the younger boy into the kiss some more. It was then that he finally received a reaction from him, and Harry’s soft and pink lips began to move against his own thinner ones._

_Louis knows he’s kissing Harry, but it didn’t seem so serious and it didn’t fully hit him until the kiss grew more passionate with each passing second. Suddenly it wasn’t just an innocent kiss to revive dead memories, it was something more. Lips parted and tongues met and slid together and noises of pleasure filled the silent air, and with that sudden realization, Louis quickly pulled back. His blue eyes were wide and he took a few deep breaths to regain his air from the small snogging session. “I-I can’t,” he quickly mutters as he springs up from his spot on the couch._

_“Louis, wait!” Harry calls out, reaching out for the older boy as he walks away. “Please -- “_

_“I’m sorry,” Louis apologizes and turns around, practically jogging away, his mind and heart racing._

“Louis?”

Louis jumps in surprise whenever he hears his name being said, and from instinct, he turns to where he heard the voice to see who it was. His heart sinks when he sees that it’s Harry.

Louis stays silent and Harry makes his way over to the couch. Even though he wants to look away and ignore him and send him on his own, Louis can’t help but stare and look over the younger boy. His curls, which are always a mess, were even messier than normal. His eyes don’t have the light they did last night after they had kissed. He looks pale and tired, heavy bags underneath his green eyes. Louis’ eyes quickly look away whenever Harry sits down on the couch next to him, and he’s happy that they weren’t as physically close as they were last night. “Rough night?” he asks in a gruff.

Harry hums softly while he nods his head. “Yeah, couldn’t sleep,” he says, his tone bitter and angry sounding.

“Why not?”

Harry wants to tell Louis that he needs to get thicker walls in his house. He wants to tell him that he could hear Louis wake up Ricardo and hear them have sex and hear Louis tell his boyfriend how much he loves him even though he had just basically cheated on his boyfriend with Harry only minutes before. He wants to tell Louis how much it hurt him, but he doesn’t. He holds everything back, and instead replies, “Dunno.”

Louis sighs heavily, looking down to his lap where his hands are fiddling with one another nervously. “Look, last night...can we talk about it?” he asks. “It shouldn’t have happened.”

Harry frowns and he finds himself looking down to his own lap as well. “Why not?” he asks. “It...it was quite magical, didn’t you think so? Did you feel it too? I really enjoyed it.”

“It was a mistake, Harry.”

“How could that be a mistake? Things that feel that good aren’t a mistake,” he argued. “Didn’t you feel it too?”

Louis cringes and shuts his eyes. His heart his pounding hard against his chest and his stomach is churning in nervousness and guilt, and he just honestly feels really sick to his stomach. He honestly just wants to jump into Harry’s lap and make out with him some more, but he knows that he can’t do that. It’s not right. It’s not fair. “It meant nothing!” Louis shouts. He isn’t really angry; well, he is angry, just with himself, not Harry. He doesn’t want to yell and be mean, but he feels like that’s the only way he’s going to get him off his back. “I didn’t feel anything because the kiss meant nothing, okay? It was just a test. I was just trying to help you recall some memories.”

Harry’s stunned and paralyzed, the words like a dagger stabbing into his heart. He had assumed, even after everything Louis did after their little incident, that the blue-eyed man had at least felt something back, because why else would he kiss him with the emotions that he did?

Harry was extremely hurt. The last thing he wanted though was to be left alone, but he was so frozen that he couldn’t even stop Louis from getting up and leaving him alone in the room.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Louis goes to visit an old friend, and some very good life advice is given

Louis had to get out, he didn’t know where or what he was doing but he knew he just had to go. Before he knew where he was going, he had parked in front of a bungalow, where he knew he’d always be welcomed. 

He knocked at the door, and when the door opened, he and the girl opening it both gasped. 

“Well, you could’ve called before you came, I’ve got toddler vomit all over my pajamas.” She says, and Louis laughs half-heartedly.

“Eleanor, still the optimist girl I remember.” Louis says and moves forward to hug her, even though she really does have vomit on her clothing, he just needs a friendly embrace from someone who won’t judge him.

“Come inside, yeah?” She says as she pulls away, and she closes the door, looking around to make sure no one was watching them. 

“Is Rosie around?” Louis asks.

“No, Max just left to bring her to school but that didn’t stop her from throwing up all over me before she left.”

“Sweet thing.” Louis says and Eleanor huffs out a laugh as they enter the kitchen. After they had ‘broken up’, they stayed friends, and seeing her reminded Louis of how things used to be. Not that he wanted to go back to having a fake girlfriend, but more so having Harry- but, he reminds himself, he has Ricardo now. 

“So, what do I owe the pleasure of your company Mr soon-to-be De Santis, or should I say Styles?” She asks as she pours him a cup of tea without even asking if he wants one. 

“So I’m guessing you’ve heard?”

“Everyone’s heard. You know Lottie and Fiz came by the other day to ask me if I know anything since you haven’t talked to them in God knows how long- you know you are someone who makes everyone around them very worried?”

She leans back against the counter while Louis sits at the counter top, hands reaching out for the cup of tea. Louis rolls his eyes a little bit.

“It’s not like I am intentionally ignoring them, I’ve just got things to do- I’m busy, and hopefully soon enough I’ll have my own family to worry about-”

“With Ricardo or Harry?”

Louis glares at her, “My fiance, obviously not Harry.”

“Can you please explain to me what’s going on exactly? Cause I’ve been hearing many different perspectives from many different sources and I know I’ll only believe yours.”

“Well, it started when Harry came to my door and claimed he had forgotten the past few years of his life. I took him to a doctor, and turns out he has amnesia, you know what that is yeah?” She nods, so he continues, “And we’ve watched countless videos to try and jog his memory, but it never changed anything. He’s still in love with me, he still thinks we’re together. It’s-”

“Louis, can I ask you something?” she cuts him off from his rambling, and he nods, looking at her desperately, “Do you still love him?”

“Of course not!” He says defensively, “I love Ricardo...and I did something wrong and I don’t know how to deal with it.”

“Did you do something wrong...with Harry?”

“Yes.”

“Something...sexual perhaps?”

Louis gives her a disgusted, but guilty look. “You need to stop wanting us to be together, because it’s never going to happen again.” He says and laughs as he says it, trying to make it sound as believable as possible. It’s cut short though, when he realizes he doesn’t know who he’s trying to make it sound believable for, Eleanor or himself. 

“Why are you so against being with Harry?”

“You know why, El, please, just stop already.” 

She gives an annoyed huff, “So what did you do? Did you kiss him?” He nods, “And you didn’t like it?”

“No, it was wrong on so many levels, and the worse part is- I went and did things with Ricardo after and Harry must’ve heard us.”

“Ooh, tough love for him then.” She says, “I’m going to go change quickly, ok? Then I’ll take you out to the garden- we just finished the patio.”

Louis smiles as Eleanor leaves the room, glad that she understands that he must need a distraction from everything right now. He picks up his coffee cup and goes into the living room, strolling to the fireplace where pictures are kept on the mantle. 

He sees some from Max and Eleanor’s wedding, the day Rosie was born, and then one that sticks out like a sore thumb. 

He hears Eleanor come back into the room, mostly because she sighs loudly when she sees what he’s staring at. 

“He came around then?” Louis asks, eyes still on the picture of Harry holding Rosie in his arms, his eyes dead looking, smile wide, and it looks recent too. They’re sitting on the couch that Louis is currently standing in front of, and Rosie has badly done makeup on and her hair in braids, Louis is sure that Harry must’ve did them. He doesn’t let himself think on that for too long, not wanting to imagine all the other possibilities of how him and Harry should have- could have, turned out.

“Harry was as close to me as he was to you, obviously without the romance part...Rosie was fond of him, still is I assume.” She answers. Louis reaches foreword to pick it up, his heart clenches as he imagines himself next to Harry on the sofa, and instead of it being Rosie it’s his and Harry’s child. He puts it back down instantly, then looking over to Eleanor again.

He knows she can probably see it in his eyes, they were all so close at one time that they practically lived through each other. He knows its mostly his fault a lot of things went downhill, but it started with him and Harry. 

“He hasn’t been around for a while now, but maybe now that he’s back-”

“He isn’t ‘back’, El, he isn’t anything. Once he’s cured he’ll be gone again.” Louis says, and he thinks that he sounds sure of himself. 

“But isn’t there a part of you that-” Eleanor tries to argue, but Louis cuts her off. 

“Show me your patio?”

Eleanor takes in an uneven breath, and then nods, and they make their way outside. Although Louis nods his head to whatever she’s telling him about the patio, and she probably knows that he is only half-listening, he appreciates it.

He leaves sometime after lunch, Eleanor having made them both a big salad with all sorts of things in them, and a glass of wine as well. 

“You’re the glue, you know. You and Harry.” Eleanor had said before he left, and Louis didn’t understand it exactly, but he got the jist of what she meant, “Things get broken, it’s just a matter of when the pieces will be picked up and put back together.”

When Louis enters the house again, it smells good, and the first thing he hears is a loud wail coming from the kitchen. He takes his shoes and jacket off quickly, making his way to the kitchen and throwing his car keys to the side as he does. 

“Harry?” He says nervously as he enters the kitchen, but only to find Niall standing there with Harry, the kitchen counters filled with all sorts of baked goods, “-What?”

“Oh, you’re back.” Harry says, and smiles, but it looks like the same one that was on Eleanor’s mantle- no happiness in his eyes, just dead.

“What is going on?” He asks, picking up a cupcake. 

“What’s going on is Harry is teaching me how to bake toffee crisp cookies- at least that’s how this all started. But I’ve really just been testing out things.”

“Oh, testing?” Louis says and raises his eyebrows, and Niall laughs. 

Afterwards, once they’ve got the kitchen cleaned up, and all of the things Harry super-baked stuffed into the fridge, Louis subtly begs Niall to stay over for dinner. Niall has been keeping things not awkward between Harry and Louis, but Louis knows, he felt it, the second that Niall stood from the couch and claimed he should go home, that there was tension in the air.

“No-!” Harry and Louis had both yelled a protest in unison, and then looked down, Niall raises an eyebrow questioningly.

“No, really, thanks for everything today, it was fun.” Niall says and then he says he will let himself out, but Harry gets up to follow him. 

“Everything okay between you two?” Niall asks as he puts on his shoes and coat.

“Um-” Harry stutters slightly, but nods, “Fine, why?”

“‘Cause I can feel the tension between you two- and the daggers in your eyes are really killing me, mate.”

Harry looks down, frowning and feeling guilty, “I’m sorry.”

“No reason to be sorry...unless there is a reason?”

“You promise not to tell the other boys?” Harry asks, and Niall nods, standing straighter and crossing his arms as he concentrates only on Harry, “Louis kissed me- but it was only to try and jog my memories- and obviously it didn’t work.”

Niall nods sympathetically, “I kind of expected it a little, if I’m being honest.”

“Expected what? Him to kiss me?”

“Yeah- I mean, nothing can keep LouisandHarry apart.” He says with a small laugh, and it perks Harry up a little bit.

“Can we meet for coffee or something soon? To talk about this a bit more?”

“How about tomorrow morning, does that sound good to you?”

Harry nods, and Niall turns to open the door, “And Harry- don’t make things more awkward then they have to be.” 

Harry doesn’t exactly know what he means by that, but when he gets back to the living room to see Louis sitting on the far end of the couch, he doesn’t sit on the other end, he sits more in the middle, and he kind of understands him a little bit.

“So, uh, what do you want for dinner?” Louis asks, “We could order a pizza if you want- I don’t remember the last time I had a proper take-out pizza, instead of something homemade.”

Harry nods, “Sure, you still like Hawaiian, don’t you?”

“And you still only like extra cheese, don’t you?”

Harry laughs, one of those little short outbursts, and his cheeks feel warm afterwards, “How about you go order, I’ll go shower since I’ve got flour in places flour shouldn't be- and then we’ll watch some more interviews or something?”

“Oh God no-” Louis groans, throwing his head back in emphasis, “We’re done with watching interviews..Why don’t we watch Friends or something?”

“I like that idea much more.” Harry says and then they smile a bit awkwardly at each other, but Harry’s trying, and he knows Louis must be too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whoop whoop hope you liked it :))))))))) comments & kudos appreciated, next chapter will be up soon as possibleee <3


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry learns a little more about what happened between him and Louis, and things heat up a bit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOAH. This took so freaking long to update, I am so sorry! but it is quite a longer chapter than normal, so I hope that makes up for it :)
> 
> Please enjoy!

The next morning, Harry wakes up in the best mood he has been in since he woke up alone in his apartment with amnesia. And although he was a little bit tired from staying up late last night, he already felt wide awake knowing that things were beginning to turn around and become good. Harry knew he had to get up to get ready for his morning with Niall, but he just wanted to lie in bed for a little while longer and think about his night spent with Louis. He had been really scared that things would turn sour again or even be awkward, but once their pizzas arrived and Friends was on the television, things slipped back into old times between the two of them. They had spent the night watching through the whole first season of Friends and finishing off their pizzas, and Harry’s favorite part about it was that they sat relatively close on the couch and had managed to actually have a conversation without Louis yelling at him or being rude.

It isn’t how Harry would have imagined him and Louis would be in the future, but he will take what he can get, since this was much better than how things had been between them lately.

Harry was smiling widely to himself and he let out a happy sigh just as the bedroom door to the guest room he was sleeping in cracked open. Harry looks over to see fluffy brown hair poking through before he sees bright blue eyes, and his smile only grows even wider so that his dimples are showing. He can’t help but giggle softly as he notices Louis smile slightly as they lock eyes. “Hey, um...sorry if I woke you up,” Louis apologizes as he steps past the door and finally enters the room fully. Harry just really wants to reach out and pull him in, but Louis doesn’t take any steps closer to the bed. “Niall is here though. He said that you two were supposed to go out for breakfast or something.”

Harry nods and gives Louis a thankful smile as he pushes himself up so he was sitting. The duvet he was covered in slid down to reveal his shirtless body. He notices Louis’ eyes trailing down so he looks down to his own body and lets out a soft breath. “I still can’t believe I got all these tattoos,” he murmurs as he gets out of bed, now revealing that he had only slept in briefs. Louis stays silent, but his eyes widen the slightest bit as they looked over Harry’s practically naked body. He shouldn’t have been surprised because he remembers how Harry often slept in only his underwear or even completely naked, but it had been a while since he had seen that body--he had to admit that the younger boy was still quite fit.

Harry turns around and looks at Louis, slowly raising an eyebrow in question as he realizes he is being stared at. “What?” he questions.

Louis suddenly clears his throat and looks away, shaking his head. “N-Nothing,” he stutters. “Have a good day out with Niall. I’ll be here.” He turns and quickly leaves the room, shutting the door softly behind himself. Once he’s back out in the hall, Louis leans back against the wall and closes his eyes, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down and tell himself that he can’t start feeling like this again.

Louis decides right then and there that he needs a distraction, so he finds himself making his way downstairs and back into the living room where Niall made himself at home on the couch with his feet kicked up on the coffee table. If Ricardo was home, Louis would force Niall to take his feet off. The Italian would be angry with shoes on his expensive furniture, but he isn’t here so Louis really doesn’t care. “He just woke up...so he’ll be ready soon,” he announces as he takes a seat in the armchair that sits directly across from the couch. He adjusts the sweatpants he’s wearing before sitting back in the chair and turning on the television so there isn’t an awkward silence. His eyes are on the tv, but he can see in his peripheral vision that the blonde boy is staring at him. Louis is seriously annoyed by the staring, but he isn’t going to say anything.

“You okay there, bud?” Niall suddenly asks as he attempts to hold back his laughter but miserably fails because he’s Niall Horan and he always laughs at everything.

“What? Yeah, I’m fine,” Louis replies back, glancing over to his friend with a confused expression. “Why?”

“Are you sure? You’re not a little hot or something?” Niall asks, a few more chuckles escaping his lips. “I can put the air down a bit. Or maybe you should take a cold shower.”

Louis isn’t stupid. It doesn’t take but a mere second to catch on to that Niall is teasing him about sporting a semi right now -- which, thanks to his baggy sweatpants, is much more prominent than it would have been if he were wearing jeans. Louis’ cheeks immediately flare up and look how they looked the time Harry and his little sisters put blush on them after he fell asleep after their Christmas dinner. “Shut up, I’m fine,” Louis mumbles in embarrassment.

“Hey!” Niall suddenly shouts between his fits of laughter. “It’s a good thing Harry and I are leaving, yeah? Gives you a bit of alone time to take care of things.”

“Fuck off.”

“What’s going on?” Harry’s voice fills the living room and both boys immediately turn to look at him. Niall’s laughter grew even louder and he’s laughing so hard that he flops over on the couch and holds his stomach. Harry raises an eyebrow and looks over to Louis who is looking back at him with an expression of guilt and embarrassment. He also notices how pink his cheeks are, and even though it’s the most beautiful sight he thinks he’s ever seen, he has to force himself to look away. He’s trying his hardest to not have these loving thoughts about Louis, but it’s much harder than it seems.

“Nothing, nothing,” Niall replies once he’s regained his breath and can actually speak again. He stands up and lets out one more quiet laugh before saying goodbye to Louis and then leaving the house.

Harry follows Niall out to his car, which is still the black Range Rover he bought after he got his license. “It’s a classic,” Niall defends his lack of car shopping even though Harry doesn’t remember how long he’s had it for and even though he doesn’t make a comment about it either.

Niall rambles on about his life right now while driving to the cafe where he’s taking Harry for breakfast. Harry’s really happy he isn’t trying to get him to remember things anymore, because at the moment he doesn’t think he can deal with it. He’s finally had a good night of sleep, he finally had a good night with Louis, and he doesn’t want to ruin the good times with failing to get his memories back.

The two boys get out of the car whenever they arrive to the little cafe, and they make their way inside of the rather small building. It’s quaint and gives off a really warm, home vibe. Harry immediately loves it, and he hates that his first thoughts go to wanting to take Louis to this place. He swallows away those feelings and follows his friend over to a booth, taking a seat across from him. A waitress, who later introduces herself as Cassie, makes her way to the table and hands them menus, taking their drink orders before leaving.

“Thanks for this, Niall,” Harry says as he picks up the menu and starts to read through it. “It’s nice to be able to get out and feel normal for once.”

“It’s no problem,” Niall responds. “I’ve missed you. We all have, even Zayn. He just doesn’t want to admit it because he’s too protective of Louis. But seriously, we’ve all missed you.”

Harry’s about to bring up this sensitive topic, but Cassie comes back with their drinks and interrupts his thoughts. Niall’s already ordering and Harry realizes he hasn’t even properly looked through the menu, so he just looks down and orders the first thing he sees, which happens to be strawberry french toast. He gives the waitress a nod and polite smile before handing the menu to her along with Niall’s. Harry glances up to his friend as he grabs his water and takes a sip of it before gently setting it down. “So, what was so funny earlier?” he asks.

Niall chuckles softly and looks up to Harry with a curious expression. “You didn’t notice that Louis was a bit hard?” he questions, shaking his head to the curly haired boy’s obliviousness. “What did you do to the poor lad?” he teasingly asks.

This time, it’s Harry’s cheeks to flare up a bit. He really hadn’t noticed Louis’ reaction to anything, and he felt stupid for being so oblivious. He also felt upset though, because as much as he would’ve liked to take credit for making Louis react that way, he knows that the blue eyed boy probably doesn’t feel that way towards him anymore, so there was no way it was him that made him turned on. “I didn’t do anything,” Harry answers simply, though his tone is a bit sour as he adds in, “He probably is just feeling the effects from lack of sex. Him and Ricardo have at it quite often, quite loud too.” His mouth tastes gross just from speaking a sentence that contained Louis and Ricardo’s name together. That quickly silences Niall besides his quiet apology, so Harry sighs quietly. “Niall...please,” he slowly starts. “Please, I need to know...what happened between Louis and I?”

Niall immediately shakes his head. “I don’t think I should tell you, it’s not a good idea,” he replies.

“Please, Niall,” Harry begs again, and he really is begging. He even considers getting down on his knees to beg right there in the middle of the restaurant. “At least spare me this. I can’t remember anything. I can’t remember anything at all and at this point I don’t care about getting all my memories back, and I’ll be fine living without some of them, but I _need_ to know this. I _need_ to know what I did to ruin the best thing that’s happened in my life.”

Niall sighs heavily but ultimately decides that it’s fair for Harry to know. “I don’t want to go into details,” he starts. “But, you cheated on Louis.” He’s suddenly really interested in the mug of coffee he has, so his eyes drop down to stare at the hot liquid while he stirs some sugar into it. “And it completely tore Louis apart, well it tore all of us apart too. We all tried to work through it, but Louis couldn’t get it over it. I don’t really blame him, yeah? I’m sure you don’t either.” He pauses and waits for a response, but Harry is too shocked and too engrossed into the story to even speak a word. He feels guilty and sick, and he can’t even imagine what was going through his mind at the time to think it was okay to cheat on his one true love. “So, you two broke up, and we all didn’t talk for a while, ‘cos we didn’t want to seem like we were taking sides but...it was clear that Louis needed help so we..just kind of stuck with him.” Niall looks up to his friend with an apologetic expression then. He never did feel right about taking sides, but it was just something that kind of happened. “And I know things are tense between you and Zayn now, but don’t hate him too much. He’s the only reason Louis got back up on his feet. He helped Louis meet Ricardo and move on and get his life together, and even though it might not have been the best decision now, he did help Louis a lot. So don’t be too angry with him, Zayn helped Louis out so much.”

“Remind me to thank him for that,” Harry dryly mumbles back because he really doesn’t want to appreciate Zayn’s “help” if his idea of helping meant helping Louis get into another relationship, but he realizes that he really doesn’t have the room to speak because it’s all his fault this happened anyways. “I...no, you’re right. I’m really sorry, Niall,” he apologizes and his voice is sincere. “I really am. I’m sorry I tore everyone apart, and I’m sorry I got you in the middle of this, because I know how much you hate being in the middle of arguments. I’m so, so sorry. I really wish I could remember more. I wish I could know why I did this. I just want to be able to go back in time and fix this all, but I can’t do that.”

Cassie interrupts the conversation as she brings their food over and sits it down on the table for them. Harry just wants her to leave, but it feels like she lingers longer than normal before she’s finally gone. Niall is the one to speak then. “I know you’re sorry, Harry,” he replies thoughtfully. “Maybe it’s a good thing this happened to you. You can’t go back in time, but maybe this is your second chance to make everything alright again. Who knows?” He shrugs before digging into his waffles.

Harry bites his lower lip, chewing on it nervously while he thinks over Niall’s words. He wanted to believe him so badly, he really did, but he was almost certain that he wouldn’t be able to make things how they used to be ever again. Sure, things could possibly get better, but they wouldn’t be exactly the same as he remembers it to be. Harry was never one to burst Niall’s bubble though, so he decided not to voice these uncertainties, and instead he replies, “You’re right. Who knows.”

 

000

 

Louis’ eyes open up and he sighs heavily, rolling over in bed. Ricardo is still gone, so his bed is feeling extra lonely. He really never liked sleeping alone anyways, and that’s the exact reason why he hasn’t gotten good sleep in the past couple of nights. He had considered going and crawling into bed with Harry, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it. It just isn’t fair to the younger boy to toy around with his feelings, and Louis can’t bare himself to get close only to get hurt in the end again. Ricardo isn’t the best, but he’ll have to be enough because Louis cannot let himself get involved with Harry again.

So, everytime Louis thinks about sharing a bed with Harry again, he reminds himself of what happened.

_Louis wakes up that morning with a big smile on his face. He rolls over and expects his body to bump into a larger one, but instead he nearly rolls off the bed since the side where Harry normally slept was completely empty. He lets out a little squeak in surprise as he reaches out and grips onto the blankets tightly to stop himself from rolling out of the bed. His eyes open up widely and he rolls onto his back before he pushes himself up so he was now sitting. He spends a moment or two rubbing the sleep out of his eyes before looking around, frowning at the empty room._

_Louis gets up from the bed and pads his way throughout the house, frowning whenever he realizes that it’s not only his bed that’s empty, it’s everywhere else too. Harry is nowhere to be seen, and as much as Louis tries to keep his hopes up, he can’t help but feel really saddened by the absence of his boyfriend._

_Since their last big argument, things actually started to become good again. Harry started going out less, he started drinking less. He was home more and much more active and involved in trying to keep their relationship alive. Louis was the happiest he had been in a very long time. But recently, Harry had started going back out more and slipping into older ways. Louis didn’t want to complain or be upset about it, because no matter how much Harry went out, he at least came home every night to him._

_Every night except last night._

_Louis lets out a little huff of air, sounding a mixture of annoyed, upset, and worried. He looks around in hopes that Harry had stopped by and left a note for him somewhere, but he comes up empty handed. So he makes his way back to the bedroom in defeat, plopping down into the bed. He has his face buried in the pillows for a while before he rolls over and picks up his phone. His worry only increase as he realizes that Harry didn’t text or call him either. Louis decides to text Harry just in case._

_‘Where are you? I hope you’re okay...I miss you xx :(‘_

_He really should get up and get ready for the day and do things, but Louis decides he’s allowed to lie in bed for a little while longer and be lazy for a bit. He opens up his twitter app then and scrolls through his timeline for a little while. It’s immediately clear to see that something serious happened. The first thing he checks is his own twitter to see what tweets are there, and then he checks each of the boys’ pages and the band account. Nothing shows up as shocking enough to be causing the hysteria he was seeing all over his timeline. So he decides to check out the trends next on twitter, and that’s when his heart began to beat rapidly._

_The top three trends worldwide included the phrase ‘Harry cheated’ and the two hashtags #LarryBreakup, and #LouisDeservesBetter._

_Louis doesn’t even know what started all of this, but he really hopes it’s just some dumb rumors a fan created. His hands are shaking as he reaches out and clicks on the link that shows all the tweets that include the phrase ‘Harry cheated’. All of them are expressing their shock behind the images, and Louis is so confused by what pictures they are all talking about. He’s scared and nervous and he just wishes he could understand what all of this was about. He finally finds a tweet that includes a picture, and Louis’ stomach drops the moment he sees it._

_The tweet contains a set of a few different photographs, all obviously higher quality and taken by a paparazzi. Louis is scared to death as he scrolls through them. The first image is one of Harry walking too close for comfort next to another man, although Louis bites his tongue and tells himself thats just because they’re walking together doesn’t mean anything. The next few images shows the pair walking up to what seems like an apartment complex. Then they finally reach the outside of the apartment complex, and it’s obvious to tell that they didn’t think about anyone following them since they decide to get cozied up on the brick wall, the next set of pictures showing Harry pinning him against the wall and the two sharing what was way more than just an innocent friendly peck on the lips. Then the last photos he sees, it seems like they finally realize the paparazzi were there taking pictures since Harry has his hand raised up to try to hide his face as they enter the building._

_Louis drops his phone just as his stomach drops. He needs a moment to compile his thoughts and try not to get sick, but luck is never on his side. He hears the front door to the house open and then hears as Harry makes his way closer and closer to their bedroom. “Louis!” he calls out in a happy and cheerful tone, one that Louis would normally love to hear but this time it makes him even sicker to his stomach. Harry’s acting like nothing happened, like he didn’t go off and be with another man, and to Louis, that’s worse than Harry coming home and just admitting that he messed up._

_“Louis!” Harry calls out again just as he rounds the corner and pushes the door open, making his way into the bedroom. Instantly there is a wide grin on his face. “Sorry I didn’t come home last night, I got caught up--”_

_“Fucking another man?” Louis doesn’t mean for it to come out like that. He wanted to confront Harry and have him tell the truth, but he was going to keep calm about it all. It was much too late for that now though._

_Harry instantly stops walking towards the bed and his breathing falters, smile slowly diminishing. “W-What?” he asks back, though he stutters. He was really a shit liar, and Louis could see right through that fake shocked expression on his face._

_Louis doesn’t want to hear anymore. He doesn’t want to hear anymore excuses or lies. He just wants to get the truth out in the open. He just wants to throw things and scream and cry and hit Harry. He just really wants to ball up and die. Louis slowly sits up in bed and he shakes his head, his mouth clamped shut from anger. “Don’t play dumb, Harry,” he starts, his voice filled with venom. He doesn’t remember a time ever where he’s talked to Harry with that tone, and it feels so wrong but so right at the same time. “I saw the pictures. It’s all over twitter. I know where you were last night, and I know what--or I should say who--you did last night.”_

_Harry raises his hands up in surrender and he closes the distance between himself and the bed. “L-Louis, it’s...it isn’t like that,” he carefully replies. His hand reaches out and hesitantly caresses the older boy’s cheek gently. Louis only flenches from the action and smacks Harry’s hand away as he pulls back. All he can think about how it was that hand that was all over the other man, and it was probably that hand that pleasured someone other than him, and it’s the same fucking hand that Louis always wished to see a certain ring on sometime in the future. But that fantasy is no longer._

_“Fuck you!”_

_Harry is quick to react as Louis jumps up from the bed and starts to throw things at him. It’s nothing that will hurt him, mostly just clothes and pillows and blankets, but each throw is hurled forward with anger. Louis is screaming loud and it’s almost incoherent between his cries and grunts as he throws all the objects. Harry quickly makes his way through it all and grasps onto Louis’ arms to stop him from picking up anything else. “Fuck you!” Louis shouts again, struggling against Harry’s grip. He feels like everywhere he’s being touched by Harry is burning him, like his skin is laced with poison now that it’s touched someone else in the intimate ways that was only meant for him._

_Harry loosens up his hold on his boyfriend, but he doesn’t let go completely. His own eyes are starting to tear up and his heart is pounding quickly. “Alright, okay...just listen,” he quickly interjected Louis’ fit, trying to keep his voice calm though it’s shaking. “You want me to be honest, so...I will be. Yeah...I…” He pauses, his eyes closing. “I cheated. I slept with somebody else.”_

_Louis finally escapes Harry’s grip and he shoves him back a bit roughly, hands reaching up to angrily swipe away the tears that won’t stop falling. “Fuck you. I hate you,” he says, although this time his voice is weaker, like he’s tired and just given up completely. It’s how he feels. He’s done trying to make this relationship work. He’s done putting his heart out there only for Harry to stomp on it. He’s done trying, and he doesn’t want to keep living this way. “I don’t want to see you right now. Just please...leave. I can’t…” He turns away and hides his face down into his hands, his shoulders shaking as his sobs start back up while he listens to Harry backtrack and leave the bedroom._

Louis sighs heavily and rubs his eyes gently. He remembers how alone he felt that day and how he turned off his phone, not wanting to have any kind of contact. He remembers how much it hurts when Harry left, and he remembers how much more it hurt when Harry never came back.

“Lou?”

Louis jolts his eyes open and he quickly sits up, looking to the doorway where he heard the voice come from. Of course it’s Harry. “Alright?” he asks, noticing the slightly darkened bags under those blue eyes which seem more like gray and lifeless than blue and vibrant today. Louis doesn’t say anything in response, only nods his head. “Well, I’m...I’m going to make some breakfast, okay? You can come out, if you want. Or...you can just stay in here, and...yeah,” his voice trails away before he turns and hurries back out into the hallway.

Louis knows that Harry wants him to come out and talk. He can tell something is off and is probably on his mind. He assumes the younger boy is just curious about his distance lately after their good night they had a few nights before. Louis was trying not to get too caught up in Harry, though he was miserably failing.

Louis decides to get up, and he changes into a pair of gray sweat pants and pulls on a black sweater. He doesn’t feel like getting dressed up or looking nice. He gets a mini vacation and his freedom back whenever Ricardo is away. He brushes through his hair, but leaves it down and his fringe swept to the side, and once his teeth are brushed, he makes his way downstairs and into the kitchen. He can already hear Harry bustling about the kitchen, humming softly. It’s so much like old times that it hurts Louis’ heart a lot.

“What are you making?” Louis asks as he slowly enters the kitchen, making his way over towards the stove where Harry was quickly cooking up a breakfast.

“Strawberry french toast,” Harry replies. “I had some at the restaurant with Niall the other morning, and it was absolutely fantastic. I thought you might like it, since I remembered that you like strawberries.”

Louis furrows his eyebrows together and he stops, leaning back against the kitchen counter, his gaze back to Harry’s. “You remember?” he questions. “Have you started remembering things?”

Harry chuckles sadly and shakes his head. He wants to remind Louis that he’s known that he likes strawberries since the X Factor, but he doesn’t. He’s silent for a while, chewing on his lip nervously. Louis knows that look, and he knows something is running through the green-eyed boy’s mind. He’s curious, but he’s not going to push--mostly because he’s too scared to know what he’s thinking of. He thinks maybe he finally remembered what happened between them, and things were just going to be awkward, and he’s pretty sure Harry is going to leave him again. He didn’t want him before, why would he want him still whenever he remembered why he left in the first place.

“Who...who’s Eleanor?” Harry’s voice is so quiet that it’s nearly silent, and Louis has to think over his question for a few before it clicks in his mind what he actually asked.

“El...Eleanor?” Louis breathes out the name. He’s quiet once again, trying to think back to see if he can remember if he ever discussed the girl with Harry, but he doesn’t think he can recall a time. He remembers telling Harry about him having to have a fake girlfriend, but he’s pretty sure he never mentioned her name. “She...you remember her?” Harry is silent, only letting out a low hum as he nods and flips the french toast over. “You...you remembered something!” he finds himself exclaiming in excitement though he still has the fear of Harry remembering and leaving again.

He isn’t sure why he fears that when he knows it just _needs_ to happen. It’s just better off that way.

“I...wow, Harry, that’s really great,” Louis replies back with a smile, reaching over and shoving Harry’s arm playfully. “I..well...Eleanor, she’s a friend of ours. But, remember when I mentioned how I had to have a fake girlfriend? Yeah...that was her.”

Harry bites his lip again and he nods. “I remember her name, and I remember times when you were with her and we couldn’t be together. It sucks, you know? I almost wish I didn’t remember those moments. It hurts a lot. She’s our friend?” He finds it shocking that he could be friends with someone who separated him and the love of his life.

Louis nods. “Don’t base things off of those old feelings you’re remembering,” he states defensively. At first, things were tense with Eleanor, but once he opened up and started to get to know her better, he realized she was actually a pretty awesome girl. Harry did too after he finally gave her a chance. “You were jealous and upset over her for a while, but we all became friends. She’s married now, and has a daughter. Apparently you go to visit quite often.” He decides it’s best to leave out that she’s probably the biggest fan of their relationship and how badly she wants them back together again.

Harry sighs and he nods as he takes the french toast out of the pan and puts it on a plate. He is really trying to look past those feelings and memories, but all he can see if the little flickers and images he saw playing in his mind where he constantly saw Louis holding hands with her or kissing her. Harry pours some strawberry syrup over the french toast and he looks up to the older boy, giving him a weak smile. He cuts a bite of the food and puts it on the fork, holding it up to Louis’ mouth. Louis hesitantly complies and opens his mouth for the bite, grinning widely. “Great as always, Haz,” he compliments the meal, blushing a bit when he realizes the slip up of the nickname.

Harry is immediately smiling bright like sunshine from the use of the old nickname. “Thank you,” he politely replies. He steps forward to Louis and clears his throat as he leans in to him some more. Carefully he reaches out and swipes off some of the syrup that was left on Louis’ lip. Harry licked his lips as he stared into those beautiful blue eyes, and he can’t help it as he leans further in and crashes their lips together.

Louis is surprised by the action, though he really shouldn’t be. And even though he is surprised and knows that this shouldn’t be going on, he can’t fight off his feelings of excitement. His mind is screaming at him to stop this, but his heart is being louder and telling him to let this continue. Louis feels like he’s in a game of tug-of-war and he’s being pulled apart from two opposite ends, but just for now he decides _fuck it_ and he wraps his arms around the younger boy, pulling him in deeper to the kiss.

Once he had the acceptance, Harry eagerly begins to deepen the kiss even more, lips parting and tongue making its way into Louis’ mouth. He’s warm and tastes so sweet, like a mixture of mint and strawberry, and Harry just wants to eat him up. He wants his lips to cover every inch of his body and he just wants to hold him closer and closer and closer until they are just one body, one soul. He just wants to take his broken parts and Louis’ broken parts and put them together to make one whole that will work again.

Louis is kissing back with just as much passion, and they’re both letting out soft little moans and noises in delight and pleasure. They’re both eager and greedy, needily grabbing at one another’s clothes and hair and tugging and pulling. It’s messy and sloppy, but it’s extremely passionate. Harry’s hands slide down until they land on Louis’ hips, and he grips them tightly before lifting up the smaller boy with no effort, sitting him down on the counter. “Fuck,” Harry breathes as he pulls back to momentarily catch his breath.

He doesn’t have much resting time though. Louis’ just completely let his emotions take over and he’s not even thinking clearly about all of this. He just knows what his heart wants and he’s going for it. “Off,” he mutters lowly as his hands pull Harry’s shirt up and over his head, letting it fall to the floor. He surges forward once again, lips pressing to Harry’s chest. He leaves a trail of kisses across his tattoo littered chest and up across his collar bones and neck and finally back up to his lips. Once they’re connected again, Louis wraps his legs around Harry’s waist, pulling their bodies impossibly closer.

He doesn’t plan to let their bodies break apart again, but Louis really needs to learn that luck is never on his side. He jumps and gasps in surprise, pulling back from Harry as the kitchen door swings open because of an unexpected visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hehe...sorry, had to leave the chapter in a cliffhanger! 
> 
> Update will come soon hopefully :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zayn intervenes, Gemma and Anne arrive, and everyone knows the difference between house and home, right?

Harry’s eyes widen immediately, pushing himself away from Louis quickly, bare back hitting the counter behind him and he winces slightly from the pain before he realizes he’s half naked, lips probably swollen, and Zayn is standing there looking at both of them in a mixture of pure shock and anger.

Harry looks down, listening to Louis’ heavy breathing slowly calm down. He’s still sitting on top of the counter, and Harry’s looking at his shirt on the floor.

“Louis, living room.” Zayn instructs, and Harry looks up in time to watch Louis hop down from the counter, pushing past Zayn with a look of embarrassment on his face. Once Louis is out of the room, Zayn walks over to Harry, picking his shirt up in the process.

“What are you doing, hmm?” He shoves his shirt into his stomach, punching him almost, Harry making a little ‘oof’ sound at the impact, “Stay here. I’ll be back in a mo’.”

Harry sniffs, not realizing he’s crying till he looks up and watches Zayn walk out of the kitchen, vision blurry. He puts on his shirt, blinking and letting the tears fall. He holds himself up with one arm, feeling numb. He feels himself smiling suddenly, hand coming up to touch his lips, still tingling from kissing Louis. His heart thumps in his chest wildly, sighing since he knows now that Louis must want him as much as Harry wants Louis.

In the living room, Zayn sits down beside Louis on the couch. Louis is crouched over, hands covering his face. Zayn puts a comforting arm around his shoulders, and Louis holds back a small sob.

“I’m sorry. I know its wrong I just couldn’t…” He looks up, shaking his head at Zayn. Zayn has a stern look on his face, and it makes Louis’ stomach turn.

“Couldn’t what? Couldn’t help cheating on Ricardo like Harry cheated on you?”

Louis looks at him for a long moment before he whispers, “Never thought of it like that.” Louis puts his head on Zayn’s shoulder, “It doesn’t even feel like it’s been three years. Kissing him still feels so natural, feels like it’s meant to be- I don’t understand why but I want to kiss him again.”

“You can’t, Louis. You have to end this now before it gets any further. What if Ricardo had come home early and found you?”

“That wouldn’t have happened. He’s probably practicing on the runways of Milan right now.”

“Not my point, Louis.” Zayn says a little annoyed, “Ricardo is your boyfriend, not Harry. Harry fucked up, alright? Ricardo has been there to help you get back on your feet- not Harry. He didn’t even try to reach out to you.”

Louis nods, knowing everything Zayn is saying is true but also wanting to believe none of it was real. “But that Harry is gone now, don’t you think he deserves a second-”

“Don’t you dare say he deserves a second chance. The best thing you can do for him now is get Anne and Gemma here to take him back to his house, maybe seeing them will even trigger a few memories.”

“Yeah, you’re right. I’m sorry.” Louis says, shaking his head, trying to get the ridiculous thought of a second chance out of his mind, “I’ll call them today, see if they can come out to London.”

“Sounds good. If you want, Pez and I can come over for dinner so it relieves some...unwanted tension?” Zayn asks, and Louis shakes his head.

“Sure.” He says, but he’s still shaking his head, knowing it won’t be good if him and Harry are alone again, but also wanting to be alone so badly. He’s burning to touch him again, to taste his tongue and feel his hips against his. When his lips had pressed against Harry’s neck, feeling softness instead of the usual scruff, he didn’t even realize that he’s been yearning to kiss something as soft as Harry, and not the usual roughness of Ricardo.

“You alright?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m going to go talk to Harry fast, is that ok?”

Louis is still shaking his head a little bit, but he replies after a moment with, “Yeah.”

Zayn untangles himself from Louis and goes into the kitchen. Harry had took the time to sit at the kitchen table, waiting for Zayn.

“Hello again.” Harry says, and can’t help but smirk slightly. He’s just so overwhelmed with happiness, and he wants this conversation to be over so desperately since he needs to go relieve himself in the shower. Zayn narrows his eyes at him, taking a cautious step forward.

“Why are you smiling like that? Is this a joke to you?”

That makes Harry frown and sit a little straighter, “No, why? It’s never been a joke.”

“Playing with someone's feelings used to be a thing of yours.”

“Well it isn’t anymore.” Harry says, hands tightening into fists. He pouts, “I’m so sick of you coming in here and telling me off constantly. You keep ruining everything.”

“Ruining what? Yours and Louis’ relationship?” Zayn asks incredulously, and before Harry can answer he continues, “You ruined that, mate. Long ago, and its long done. You need to stop toying with him, it’s gonna fucking kill him.”

“It’s fucking killing me, Zayn.” Harry whispers, “Not being able to be the one to hold him at night, kiss him when I please, be the one to make him laugh! All the things I used to live for, I’m being destroyed from the inside out for. I don’t remember how I used to be, and I regret all of the things I’ve done. But I dont regret this.” He motions to the counter, where Zayn had found the two, and then he huffs, “I wish you would just..back off a little bit…” His voice gets quieter as he goes, biting his lips pink and red as he tries not to cry, “I can’t stand listening to him and Ricardo get it on every second of the goddamn day-”

“Then go home, Harry. Stop putting all of this on Louis. It’s not his job to repair you, it’s your own.”

Harry laughs then, looking at Zayn with wild eyes, “You don’t get it,” He says and laughs again, blinking as he gives up and lets the tears fall, “Louis is my home.”

The air seems to become thicker, and Zayn looks pitiful, shaking his head now at Harry and walking out the kitchen door and back to Louis.

Louis. Who’s standing right outside the door, emotions unreadable as his eyes flash from happy, sad, lustful, and to embarrassed. Zayn pities him too.

“Lo-” Zayn begins to bring up his hands to hold Louis back from going to Harry, but he can’t stop the inevitable. Louis ducks under him and goes through the door, looking at Harry. Harry stands, the chair sliding back against the floor, hands clenched to fists at his sides.

“You mean it?”

“Mean what?”

“I’m...I’m home to you?”

“You’re the only thing I’ve got.” Harry shrugs, holding back from all the things he wants to say.

“What about your Mom? Gemma? The boys?”

“None of them compare to you.” Harry says exasperatingly, “Not even close. None of them are you.” He says, saying things that sound the same and probably mean the same but none of this makes sense but all of it does so much. The only thing he can make up in his mind is that Louis matters. Louis is the only thing that matters. Louis is the only thing that ever mattered and he hates himself so much for fucking it up.

Louis doesn’t answer for a while, instead he leans against the wall, staring at Harry.

“I love you Harry.” Louis says after 8 minutes of silence. Harry had sat back down, staring at the wall clock as he waited for the time to pass. Harry’s heart dropped into his stomach when Louis said what he had said, and he looked at Louis to say more, “But-”

“But what?” Harry asks, “You love me, isn’t that enough? It’s enough for me. Please.” Harry rambles.

“I also love Ricardo.” Louis says, eyes watery, “And, I’m not going to give up the stableness I have with Ricardo to be back with you. Our history, Harry, it’s too...the best way I can put it is unstable.”

“But like you just said, it’s history. Meaning, that was the past. This is now, this is- this the rest of our lives.”

“This ends now, Harry. I love you, but, I love Ricardo. And you need to accept I am with him.”

Harry nods, “So what now?”

“Now, I’m going to go see if Zayn’s still hanging around, and if he’s gone, I’m going to call your mom, or Gemma, see if they’re able to come out to London anytime soon. Then, if they can take you off my hands for a while. Hopefully being with them will trigger some memories. By that time, Ricardo will be back.” Louis answers, having practiced the list over in his head a couple times it sounds almost robotic.

Harry stares blankly at Louis, “So your plan is to ignore your feelings about me by having my mom and my sister take me away? Having your fiance come back so...so what? You can start a family and forget I exist?”

“I never said I’d forget you exist, I think that’s pretty impossible by now.”

“Zayn told me to not toy with your feelings, did he say the same to you about me? Cause if not then you...you need to just…” Harry swallows, putting his face in his hands and letting out a small sob, “You need to just love me again. Please. That’s the only way this will work. I know it.”

“Harry, you need to stop, ok? We need to just be friends. I want to be friends. Is that good enough for you right now?” Louis says, and he walks a little closer to Harry, who looks at him with weary eyes. Even though he’s older now, Louis still sees that 17 year old boy in him. His expressions, gestures, even the way he walks, it’s all just different and less put together then the Harry he last remembers.

“Friends is good. I like friends.” Harry nods, “But I think I will go home. I don’t think I can stand another night here...knowing you’re in the room next to me, and I can’t be beside you. It keeps me up at night.”

Louis swallows, because it’s been keeping him up too, for the exact same reason. It used to scare him how much alike they were. Fans even called them ‘mirrors’ at times. He missed having that connection with someone. “Alright.” He nods slightly, “But until Anne and Gemma get here, you might as well wait till they come to bring you home.”

“All I remember is a waterbed.” Harry shudders visibly.

Louis laughs, “You always wanted one of those. I didn’t like them, I always thought it would flood the house if by accident we popped it by-” He stops, looking out the window, and Harry smiles slightly, because he knows a little what Louis might’ve said if he continued.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like to call my mom or sister, instead of you?”

“By all means, go ahead.” Louis says, walking to the cordless phone sitting in the charger and handing it to Harry, “Their numbers are in the...scrolling thing.”

Harry laughs, “Thank you. For everything.”

Louis nods and he’s about to walk out when the chair Harry was sitting on skids across the floor, and Louis raises his hand to push the door open, when Harry quickly grabs him, turning him around. Louis thinks he’s about to kiss him, so he raises his hands to Harry’s chest to stop him, but instead, Harry wraps his arms around his waist, hugging him tightly.

Harry breathes in, nose nuzzled into Louis’ neck, and Louis instinctively giggles a little. Harry always used to tickle him, especially by kissing or doing anything with his neck.

“Friends.” Harry whispers against his skin, and he feels Louis nod. Louis then wraps his arms around Harry, just as tight.

000

Anne and Gemma aren't able to come until Friday, so over the next two days, things between Harry and Louis seem to be tense- or at least thats how Harry feels. He’s so overly sexually frustrated and has been ever since their little makeout, and Louis seems like he doesn't care at all, but Harry knows him better than that. Louis seemed to become a better liar over the years.

Zayn keeps a close eye on them, always coming over for lunch then leaving when he has to get back home to Perrie or other things. Zayn also fills Louis in on all the chaos they’ve been causing, just by being shacked up together.

“With Ricardo on the other side of the world, all the gossip blogs and TV shows are thinking that you two are back together, and since neither of you have been seen since the doctor’s, it seems pretty believable, yeah?”

When Anne and Gemma do arrive, Harry is so overwhelmed and has been bottling up all these emotions, that he breaks down the second he sees them.

“What’ve you done to him?” Gemma asks jokingly to Louis, who stands in the hall staring at Harry’s back worriedly. He wants to join their current three-person group hug, but feels wrong about it too.

“Nothing, Louis’ been good. I’ve just missed you.” Harry sniffs into their arms, and Louis clues in a little then. Harry must believe that he hasn’t seen either of them in months since their touring, and it makes Louis want to be young again enough to miss his family when he’s gone for months.

“Well, why don’t we catch up then? Something smells good.” Gemma says after they’ve finishd with their hugging. Harry stands a little straighter, taking a step back towards Louis but stopping himself halfway.

“Harry’s been cooking for me, so ask him what it is.” Louis says with a light laugh, reaching out to pat Harry on the back. Harry stiffens slightly, but then smiles.

“It’s a secret.” He says, and his smile fades a little when his mother and sister step more into the light. He stares at them both before he says, “This is so weird. Everyones just...so much older all of a sudden.”

“Rude.” Gemma says, smirking, and then shoves past Harry, and Anne follows, linking her arm through Harry’s and pulling him down the hall. Louis stands there by himself for a moment, feeling a sadness and he doesn’t know why. He feels lost in his own home, and he really just wants to be alone. Instead, he goes down the hall and into the kitchen.

He watches the three cook together, Gemma and Anne telling Harry funny memories of the past few years, and Harry laughs, but Louis can see the real emotion in his eyes every time Harry steals a glance at him. He’s scared out of his mind, and Louis- he still wants to be alone, away from all this. Maybe just alone with Harry somewhere.

Once they’re all sat at the table eating Harry’s ‘secret’ dinner, which was really just a ham with potatoes and green beans the way Louis likes them cooked, Anne says, “So how long are you planning to stay here, Harry? Don’t you think you’ve overstayed your welcome a bit?” She means it as a joke, but Harry’s face drops visibly and Louis feels like he’s been punched in the gut.

“Actually, was hoping you guys would bring me home? I dont remember where I live.” He says, the words feeling weird on his tongue because he’s only ever lived where Louis was, anywhere Louis isn’t is just a cold and dark place- somewhere Harry never wants to be.

“Yeah, no problem. Gemma don’t drink too much wine or else you can’t drive.” Anne says, and they all laugh politely.

“Could I come along? Just to see where he’s going to be? I’m the closest, probably, out of all of us. I can go check in once in a while.” Louis says, cheeks becoming redder as Anne and Gemma stare at him. Harry seems to enjoy the idea, because he’s smiling from ear to ear with those fucking dimples on his pale cheeks.

Anne nods, and they all start chatting about dumb little things that have happened in their lives, when Harry says, “Gemma? Did you ever dye your hair a...really light purple color?”  
Gemma nods quickly, “Yeah, you remember that?”

Harry shrugs, “I remember someone having purple hair, it looked nice though. And Louis, you had red hair once.”

“You only remember that because I showed you videos.” Louis says, smiling nonetheless. Harry bites his lip, trying to contain a sheepish smile as he murmurs,

“So what.”

Later, Anne had taken Harry to clean the guest room, since he wouldn’t be staying in there any more, while Gemma and Louis cleaned all the dishes.

“Thank you for taking him.” Gemma says after a few minutes of silence. She’s scrubbing the dishes clean and handing them to Louis to dry. She stops now, looking right at him, “I’ve been trying to think of ways to thank you, but honestly, just saying it is easier. I know its hard, for the way you guys ended it must be really hard to see him. He may act like his old self, but he isn’t...I um...I just don’t want to see you hurt again. You’re family to me Louis, and even though he’s blood it doesn’t change anything.” Gemma says, and then she looks back to the dishes, “You’re both important to me, and I just wanted to tell you that you’re both better off without each other. Ok? Leave the past in the past.”

Louis drys the dish she gives him, but doesn’t respond. In a few moments he says, “Do you think...when he remembers...he’ll still, like..care? About me?”

Gemma nods, and then says, “He never did stop caring about you. He always cared. He just lost himself a little bit. Now he’s lost all his memories.” She laughs half-heartedly.

“Wouldn’t it be great if his memories just..didn’t come back?” Louis says before he can stop himself, “I mean, he’s himself again. Untouched and not ruined and not driven mad by the tabloids and rumors.”

“He was never not himself, Lou. Like I said, he lost himself. But once his memories come back, which is inevitable, hopefully he’ll still be hanging onto all of this.”

“I wish he could get all his good memories back, not the bad ones, at least.” Louis says, mostly to himself, but Gemma agrees silently with a nod, and Harry and Anne come walking into the kitchen a few seconds later. They finish with the last dish, and an unspoken agreement fills the room as they all head to the front door, Anne getting her keys out from her purse.

Harry looks at Louis, and says, “Can I just talk to Louis for a minute, alone?”

The two girls go to wait in the car, and Louis looks at Harry hesitantly.

“Whatever it is you’re going to say, please don’t.”

“I won’t say everything I want to say, but I just want you to promise something to me, ok?” Harry asks, and Louis nods. Harry takes a small step towards him, “Promise me you’ll visit me at least once a week? It might be harder when Ricardo gets back, but please try.”

Louis nods slightly, walking a little more closer to him, “I’ll try to keep that promise, but it won’t be easy.”

They’re both quiet as Harry links his fingers through Louis’, and Louis takes one more step, just enough to put his head on Harry’s chest, both of them breathing sighs of relief.

“I know you feel the same way about me, God- I’ve been wanting to just...touch you for so long.” Harry says, and Louis can hear his heartbeat picking up, “You’re so special to me, I love you.”

Louis wants to scream. Wants to yell at the top of his lungs that he loves him too, that all he wants and all he’ll ever want is to be with Harry. But instead, he brings Harry’s hand to his lips and presses a kiss to it.

“No matter how much we- you, want it, we can’t. Ok?”

“Can I just kiss you?” Harry blurts out, “One more time? I don’t want our last kiss to have been remembered as awkwardly-”

Louis quickly shuts him up by kissing him hard. He wraps his hand around the back of his neck and pulls him in deep, and even though he should stop, he doesn’t want to. Harry kisses back with just as much vigour, nails digging into Louis’ back as they become impossibly closer.

Harry squeezes his eyes shut, lights flashing behind his eyes and the kiss ends before it’s even really begun.

“Now you can remember it like that.” Louis whispers, and its not meant to be cheeky, but it is. He squeezes Harry’s shoulder a tiny bit before he walks past him, hand hovering on the door handle. He pushes down whatever he wants to say and do to Harry, and instead opens the door while saying, “Now come on, lets get you back to your house.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so sosososososo os SOS SOSS OSS O sorry for the long ass wait, been a really busy time !!! hope you enjoyed it, the next chapter will be written and posted as soon as possible !!! comments and kudos appreciated very much
> 
> -kristen (ෆ ͒•∘̬• ͒)◞

**Author's Note:**

> title based off the song Amnesia by 5SOS :))


End file.
